The Gospel According to Michele Christine

Accident My Ass

2010-05-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

Nothing has gotten under my skin more these past two days other than my broken TV and reading about this story of the tragic murder of Yardley Love.

http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/death-of-virginia-student-yeardley-love-an-accident-say-lawyers-for-suspect-george-huguely/19463887?icid=main|aim|dl1|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolnews.com%2Fnation%2Farticle%2Fdeath-of-virginia-student-yeardley-love-an-accident-say-lawyers-for-suspect-george-huguely%2F19463887

I think it's disgusting that his entourage of defense attorneys' are coming out and claiming it was an accident after he admitted to police that he practically beat the woman to death. If you read the link, he apparently has a history of abusing alcohol. I don't care what anybody says. Alcohol abuse is never an excuse for murder or violence.

What further irritates me are the reports I have heard from a former UVA graduate and friend/Victim's right's advocate with a horrible sexual assault case of her own while she was there, is how the University is encouraging students who may have known about this perp's history of violent outbursts to remain silent and not talk to the media. In my friend's case, they did the exact same thing to her. Shut Up. We want to make this go away. Since when does silence solve the problem of rape, domestic violence or murder? I am tired of all these "prestigious" universities trying to sweep campus crime under the rug. It only magnifies the problem. The friends of Ms. Love have a moral obligation to cooperate with the authorities on what they knew of her relationship with this psycho bastard, and the university has no legal authority to try and stop them.

Stupid Athletes And Their Sense of Entitlement

2010-03-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to know what to make of this one. 2nd accusation of sexual assault on this asshole in a year. Let's face it- rapists don't have stellar track records for refraining from re-offending.

I don't know what to make of this arrogant football punk, "BIG BEN." I've read that is his reputation in any establishment he frequents. The first accuser's case has all kinds of problems because she went the civil route in pursuing the complaint- not a wise move, but I understand why victims do that because reporting it to legal authorities is such a painful process. Even if she is telling the truth, it unfortunately makes her look like she's a gold digger. It's too hard to tell, and she has an alleged rocky psychiatric history even before her accusation. Who knows who's telling the truth.

But in the most recent allegation, the victim did everything right and went to the police and the hospital, knowing exactly who he was. Why put yourself through that knowing you are going to get villified by the media as a slut and a cash whore who was asking for it? That's just what the media does when you accuse a celebrity of sexual assault. Even when not dealing with a celebrity, in my own experience, even cops and prosecutors and defense lawyers have made comments like that to me. Perhaps not as directly, but still. I am tired of the victim blaming in this society.

Whether these accusations end up being decided true or false in a court of law will have to remain to be seen. But the issue of him being stupid freaking idiot is clear. When you are as famous as Roethlisberger, already have one sexual assault complaint pending against you, why put yourself in a sitaution partying it up with a bunch of twenty year college females? I mean seriously... how dumb as fuck and senseless can you be? It appears to me that his fame has given him such a sense of entitlement that he has no care in the world for respecting other people. Not such a good role model if you ask me. Plus- I think he's UGLY AS SIN. Why women rally around him like he is Brad Pitt is beyond me.

Not a priority....Ummm.... WHAT?

2010-03-16T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have never heard of a more outrageous comment to address a human crisis like this in my life. It's ignorant and insensitive as fuck comments like these that so many rape victims don't come forward. I am outraged that anyone representing any country could make such a comment.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100316/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/cb_haiti_earthquake

I have mixed feelings about this....

2010-03-05T18:58:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS2mfWDryPE

This is a link to the controversy of an anorexic French Model who agreed to volunteer to pose for an ad campaign in Italy raising awareness about Anorexia.

I was not going to post a picture, it's too disturbing. But on the one hand, I see both sides to this argument. I am not sure that this ad campaign sends a very good message to people with Anorexia. I see the interviewer's point about it having a negative influence on women, as I also see the point that Isabelle was too sick to consent to do this. The weird freckle thing has me a bit puzzled. Although, I know better than anyone, people with eating disorders have a lot of physical hangups in addition to their own hangups with food.

If on the other hand, she is truly serious about getting well, then perhaps this could be a positive thing. Although she has made progress, her weight is still too low in my opinion to be thinking rationally to do this on their own as an outpatient. Sadly, at her age, no one can force her to go into inpatient treatment. I hope she does recover and it's not too late for her. So many promising souls are slaves to this God awful and often misunderstood disease that it costs them their life. I am praying it doesn't turn out this way for Isabelle Carro.

Well Well Well.... True Colors Do Indeed Shine Through!

2010-02-18T19:17:00.000-08:00

A dear survivor friend of mine posted this link on her facebook page today.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/02/18/2010-02-18_crystal_gail_mangum_stripper_in_duke_lacrosse_rape_case_charged_with_arson_and_a.html

Crystal Gail Mangum... the infamous false Duke Lacrosse Rape Accuser, appears to have gone off the deep end yet again when arrested for assaulting her boyfriend. Just Who is the victim here, and who is the offender?

The Duke case always fascinated me. As a rape survivor myself, my gut usually tells me to trust the victim making the complaint, because I know better than anyone what defense lawyers do to smear the reputations of assault survivors who are brave enough to come forward. It takes some pretty gut wrenching courage.

However, as this clearly disturbed girl's past began to unravel with documented reports of other accusations she made in the past believed to be false, along with the inconsistencies in her Duke tale, it became impossible for me to believe she was telling the truth about being raped and was better suited to the profile of a pathological liar than a rape victim.

Don't get me started on my beef with Mike Nifong and how he pursued this case despite all the damning information that was a matter of public record on this crazy chick that came out in the media.

As we can see from her most recent violent antics, it is clearly Ms. Mangum who has the problem.

I think Mangum should have served jail time from the get go when it came out she was lying, even though I stand by my belief the Duke boys weren't exactly choir boys either. But, she has a distinct patten of reporting false accusations, and it is women like her who bias prosecutors and law enforcement from "real victims" who are telling the truth, making us feel helpless to be heard. I really don't have a lot of empathy for any gender who report false accusations when it comes out plain as day they were lying later. Why? Because it makes the process so much harder for so many people like myself and many others I know who fight like hell to pursue true justice.

I guess her recent arrest for this assault and what I am sure will be jail this time around, better than none.

Rest in Peace, Phoebe Prince

2010-02-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

I have been nursing a pretty nasty stomach bug and haven't been able to blog much, but I saw this story, and I was really pretty outraged, to say the least.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1246284/Teenage-Irish-girl-emigrated-America-hanged-cyber-bullying-torment.html

This beautiful young girl with her whole future ahead of her immigrated to America from Ireland with her family only to be ridiculed and tormented by her classmates with all kinds of Internet and text threats, labeled all kinds of derogatory names, all out of cruelness, jealousy, and downright evilness. These taunts resulted in taking her own life.

I love facebook and the convenience of modern technology with texting and wireless email, but I don't think it was invented or intended to be used as a tool to promote harassment and verbal abuse. This is just heart breaking, and I can't imagine how her family must be feeling right now.

I don't understand how parents can let their children have such free reign over the Internet. They should be more aware of what websites and electronic gadgets their kids are using and just what they are using them for. Clearly, this girl was being bullied, and the school failed to recognize the signs and protect her. Even if she was too afraid to come forward to report these incidents, I have little doubt that the signs she was in trouble were there, and those in the system employed to protect her failed her. Thoughts?

No more frapps for me from the starfucks folks

2010-01-23T04:11:00.000-08:00

And no more sausage egg and cheese from Micky D's. On the rare occasions I allow myself to induge in fast food junk, the fast food/coffee houses featured in this heinous story will no longer be graced by my patronage.

Thanks to my friend Liz for alerting me to this story.

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/teenage-starbucks-barista-sues-sex-demands-work/story?id=9631145

I have major problems with how both the media and these corporations themselves blame the victims and brand them as sluts who should know better. Having had sex before at 16 years old does not give your employer carte blanche to sexually harass you.

Young teenagers are impressionable and easy to take advantage of. A 24 year old manager should know that engaging in a sexual relationship with a 16 year old barista is asking for huge trouble. The parent/victim bashing is so typical of what goes on in these types of cases and it really pisses me off. I wanted to smack the Starbucks human resources representative featured in this story. Gee... when you were sixteen, I bet you were perfect. Never smoked a joint, never fooled around, never touched a drop of alcohol. No siree... you were too busy reading your Bible. And as for your role as a parent and instilling positive values in your children, good luck if you think when your kid is 16 they will do everything you taught them. I'm sure Robert Chamber's mother tried her best, and now look at him...

I'm glad this prick went to prison. He deserved it, and starbucks should pay up.

Best and Worst Dressed at the Globes 2010

2010-01-18T12:13:00.001-08:00

Ok- I love Sandra Bullock, and I loved Blind Side...But really... (sorry Sandra fans, but I think she looked like What's eating Gilbert Grape?) The see through thing was tasteless and the hair a mess. And Julia? I mean, come on... you are Julia... you could at least step it up a bit.

But Penelope, Jennifer, and Drew got it right.

Other downers of the evening- I thought that the Mel Gibson joke while pretty funny was in bad taste at a person's journey in recovery. If I were a famous actress and it was public knowledge I had an eating disorder, I wouldn't appreciate a host making fun of me for it. I think if people want to find humor in their weaknesses, then it is up to the individual afflicted by them to find their own way to express it, but that's just me.

I also really did not appreciate the Martin Scorsese tribute when he blatantly defends a rapist who fled from justice for nearly 3 decades. Why people rally around this pervert in support of him incenses me.

My congratulations to all the winners, poorly dressed or not, except Marty.

If this evil heinous vile scum of the earth doesn't get the chair for this, I will kill him myself.

2010-01-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

I saw this story on the news tonight and I just about vomited my chunky chicken noodle. Wouldn't you? Lest I get blasted by one of my friends on Facebook for speaking out about it, I posted it here instead.

I don't care if these stories are not good for me to listen to. If people like me don't pay attention to these horrible acts of cruelty and do something to implement change, then who else will?

Surely not this dumb as fuck and heartless judge. So the story goes- perp Jospeh Gardner's resume consists of the following:

1) A long criminal rap sheet.

2) Earlier last year (ugh... I FUCKING HATE THIS WORD...) "ALLEGEDLY" accused of raping a six year old child.

3) Released on 10K bail when the prosecution asked for 200 by this idiot ass judge

4) Post bail release, "Allegedly" raped his girlfriend's 3 year old daughter. (Mother did not know he had been accused of rape before and she awoke to her daughter's screams)

5) Now arrested again.

Way to go judge! What is it with these clueless judges who do not know the statistics that child molesters and rapists generally are repeat offenders? Umm... Josef Fritzel? Alex Kelley? HELLO? This just incenses me beyond words and breaks my heart. I hope they throw a lot more than life at him. He deserves it.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/12/17/court_hears_new_child_rape_charge_against_kingston_man/

A voice of reason speaks out!

2010-01-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a radio show earlier tonight by Levi Page- a person with a talk show based on criminal justice covering many national criminal cases.

One that was featured tonight was on Susan Powell, the missing Utah woman whose husband is “a person if interest” in her disappearance. I wrote about it a few weeks ago. Don’t get me started on my feelings about the way law enforcement needs to word things when there is no body or “sufficient” physical evidence to make an arrest or I will surely go off a cliff.

It’s plain as day to me, the hubster killed her. But that aside, Mr. Page featured a wonderful victim’s rights advocate on his show last night commenting on the Powell case and advising women the best course of action and game plans on how to get out of abusive relationships.

Whether the abuse is physical or emotional, I have a handful of very successful friends, friends with good families, friends with good jobs including one who is an attorney, and all have the financial resources who can afford therapy, but who just choose to stay with vile scumbags and complain to me non stop about how evil they are. It drives me bat shit crazy. I understand we all have our demons in our pasts that may impact our self esteems; myself included as a rape survivor, how much one can fall victim into self destructive behavior or abusive relationships.

But Ladies- this is 2010. Help is there if you just know where to ask for it. Why so many don’t just really bugs me. Even though I understand fear, you have to just rise above it and let the experts do their jobs. I know that sometimes not everything works out the way it should in this world, but Susan Murphy Milano has some excellent advice on how it can.

www.SusanMurphyMilano.com

How to cope with ED Freakouts during the Holidays

2009-12-29T04:30:00.000-08:00

Anyone reading this post with an ED knows precisely how the holiday food hoopla can provoke massive anxiety. I go through it EVERY.FREAKING.YEAR. It does indeed royally fucking suck.

At parties: Michele, did you eat?

At work: Michele, Want a piece of Chocolate?

At home: Michele, what should we have in the house to eat for you? Michele, get off the computer, breakfast time, lunch time, cocktail hour time, dinner time, desert time. No pumpkin pie for you? How about a cookie? How are things going with your nutrtionist, and you need to put on more weight, young lady. Your brothers are worried sick.

So, while after 22 years, I know all these tools to help me cope, I thought I would share them here in hopes it would help anyone else. It's a guide posted by the Nationl Eating Disorders Association on how to get through the food freak outs.

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=286&Profile_ID=73493

Hooray for Hollywood!

2009-12-28T13:51:00.000-08:00

While I always place the blame for violence against another on the perpatrator, when it comes to Tinsel Town and Charlie Sheen, They feed the problem by continuing to employ him on the sitcom- 2.5 Men.

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b159724_charlie_sheens_women_troubles_are.html

To continue to employ him as the highest paid actor in a sitcom sends the message that violence against women- or heck- violence against anyone, is acceptable.

Charlie Sheen is no stranger to making headlines for these infamous incidents. (ie...Kelly Preston, Denise Richards and now, allegedly, his current wife.)

I know I am going to be read the riot act on being judgemental, but he's been married what... I don't know how many times with public records of such behaviors? I am hard pressed to believe that anyone who enters into a relationship with him is not knowledgeable of his abusive history. Such does not make his victims of his crimes their fault, abuse is never one's fault; but AWARENESS, AWARENESS, AWARENESS, my fellow sisters. Do not let anyone treat you like that. You deserve better than that.

Brittnay Murphy.... so horribly sad

2009-12-21T19:06:00.000-08:00

As much as I was shocked to learn of her sudden death, I have to be honest and say that once the shock wore off, it really didn't surprise me.

In recent months, she's gotten thinner and thinner to the point where she looks like a concentration camp victim. Although she vehemently denied having an eating disorder, so did Calista Flockhart, then later admitted she did "have some kind of one" but was very vague. I recognize everyone is entitled to their privacy, but I applaud people like Tracy Gold, the former Ms. America, and Christina Ricci who came out and admitted to having one because I think raising awareness about eating disorders is critical to the problem, as strongly as I feel about raising awareness about sexual assault and domestic violence. Rape is why I have an eating disorder in the first place.

I don't know if she had an eating disorder or to what extent, but after having anorexia for 22 years, it sure as heck looked like she had it to me, but I am trying not to judge. Regardless of whether or not she did or she didn't, she was clearly abnormally underweight, and now reported by her friends as to abusing prescription drugs along with negative body image issues and a serious addiction to plastic surgery. She also was supposedly a diabetic. All of these medical conditions I am sure played it's role, whether she was anorexic or not. When you are popping pills with low body weight, taking flu medicine on top of it, it's going to reek havoc on your body. Same with Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson.

This isn't to judge but a call to physicians that they must after these cases take more responsibility at what they are prescribing to their patients so recklessly. Yes- I know a celeb can get this anywhere, I know they can go to a million physicians and lie about whatever their junk is, but there are things that can be done to regulate the problem- like blood test them to see if there is anything else in their patients systems before they pick up the pen and the pad.

It saddens me to see so many bright talents with such potential fall into this pattern of destructive behavior when they have more financial resources than most Americans to seek treatment. RIP Brittany.

Something Isn't Right Here...

2009-12-19T15:38:00.000-08:00

I know I vowed to stay away from criminal cases this pre- holiday weekend, but something about this one just irks me.

http://www.examiner.com/x-22460-Seattle-Family-Examiner~y2009m12d16-SUSAN-POWELL-UPDATE-Police-suspect-foul-play---husband-now-a-person-of-interest

I really hate all these bullshit legal terms- "person of interest" "Not a suspect," yet. "Alleged" I know better than anyone how this dialogue goes and the stupid laws as to why news peeps and police must refer to reporting on these matters in this fashion. I simply don't agree with it. I do not subscribe to the idea of innocent until proven guilty. I subscribe to if you are not guilty, then you cooperate and you open your mouth and say what you know to legal authorities. If you have nothing to hide, did nothing wrong, then speak.

Before everyone rants at me that "Mr. Powell" who is now a person of interest in the case of his missing wife has no legal obligation to speak, well you can rest assured... I KNOW THIS.

That doesn't mean I think his lack of cooperation is right. If anything, it makes him look worse.

Do the math... two kids under five- he takes them camping after midnight. They are No show to day care without any clarification as to why, and he and his wife are no shows to work. Umm... HELLO?

I am so over hearing this story- it needs a new word for over.

2009-12-07T21:30:00.000-08:00

I really am sick of hearing about this story.

He’s an infamous athlete, women at his feet, and the freaking world at his feet. Of course he’s going to cheat when he has all these bimbos throwing themselves at him.

Ok- I know where this is going… Michele is judgmental… not all rich and famous men cheat. Well… I feel differently about this based on my own observance of people of his caliber. Umm… does Elliot Spitzer or Bill Clinton or John Edwards or Kobe Bryant ring a familiar bell?

More so than their philandering behavior blasted all over the news that angers me is why their wives stay with them. I’d rather take the pre-nuptial agreement cash than put up with this infidelity bullshit, no matter how rich or famous my spouse was. Alas- perhaps this is why I am still single.

Spitzer’s hooker blasting all of Tiger’s lovers on extra tonight? After what she did? Lord help me, PLEASE!

Sorry to all ladies who disagree with me, but this is not behavior I would ever tolerate, no matter what my status in society was. I’d rather be poor and have my self respect, dignity and build a good life for myself then be humiliated in such a fashion, even if that meant I had to sacrifice the I am so sorry jewelry. Cheating, infidelity…forget it Macho Man.

Most men are lucky if they make it past strike one with me with even not as great a betrayal as that. Yep… I know I am bitch. You can say it.

Why does this bother me?

2009-12-06T18:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/6746377/Daughter-of-Billy-Joel-and-Christie-Brinkley-overdoses.html

Well, because it does. I, not being famous, not having rich parents, have been detained in the Cornell psych ward after panic attacks on the street, all which if the paramedics had just let me be and come to, would have relieved by themselves. None of these incidents involved overdosing, yet they still kept me there, against my will as a 35 year old adult. If I had parent's as famous and rich as Alexa's, I would have been out of there in a NY minute.

Since I don't, they held me there and made me feel like I was an eternal freak. This girl needs help- her parents, too caught up in their own drama to help her. It is my opinion based on personal experience that she would never have been discharged without her notaritey.

I don't know what to make of this verdict...

2009-12-05T15:21:00.000-08:00

I have followed this case for a while and am grappling with, believe her, or not?

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/12/06/jailed-amanda-knox-vows-no-more-tears-115875-21875925/

I know the legal system in Europe is very different than the United States, but still. Her behavior patterns that night and after the murder appear erratic. I try not to judge how people behave after trauma having gone through enough of my own, and everyone responds differently.

While I recognize that, her whole story is filled with holes and inconsistencies. Maybe she did not kill Meredith Kercher. I don't know.

But I am hard pressed to believe that she does not know who or what went down that night and who is responsible for this murder. Call me judgemental, but I can't believe she or the others involved doesn't know something and aren't talking. She lived with her- the three involved all knew each other.

If she is truly innocent, then her sentence is unfair. But I just have my doubts on this one. She has struck me as uncooperative from the get go.

Our Lives Are Destroyed?

2009-12-01T21:36:00.000-08:00

Ok... now REALLY. Seriously...

What in the fuck is up with these quacks? We were invited. Ummm... yeah... to the White House? Where is the invite? Oh no... we were invited via email. That's like me pulling a fast one on my nutritionist. I'm 110... I swear... Really? Get on the scale and then me being so busted.

What gets under my skin about this so much is first off, the media attention this story has generated. I understand it is a serious issue given the security failure and it needs to be addressed, but there are far graver crimes going on in this world. (ie: murder, rape, child abuse, domestic violence, genocide, war.)

Secondly, to give this couple so much airtime and attention only serves to feed their quest for fame and fortune. They are nobodies trying to strike it rich just like the balloon boy family.

Thirdly, when my tax dollars employ the secret service, I think I am entitled to a serious refund after they fucked up so royally.

Food, Glorious Food- For some.... For Others, it is HELL

2009-11-30T17:26:00.000-08:00

I know somewhere on here I have written about this before, but I am doing so again.

I really freaking hate all the holiday hoopla food crap. EVERY. SINGLE. BLOODY. YEAR.

Want some apple pie, Michele Christine? Umm... no thank you, Auntie, Mommy, Daddy, & brothers. Leave me alone please, and I have eaten what my nutritionsit has said, thank you much.

For those of you reading this who have an eating disorder and understand, you get my drift. BACK OFF ABOUT WHAT I PUT IN MY MOUTH.

For those of you reading this who don't get it...let me explain. We know you care, but you just don't understand. Nothing you say while however well intentioned will make this time of year easiar for us- or easy for us anytime of year. We are going to eat what we want, and what we feel safe and comfortable with. You don't need to tell us, but... it's only 300 calories and no one will notice if you gain 2lbs. We know all of this intellectually, but it doesn't click the same way in our brains as it does yours.

Put some apple pie in front of a bulimic and they can't stop at one slice. Put it in front of an anorexic, and enjoy the freak show after you tell them... just one bite. Would you tell an alcoholic to have just one sip of wine after years of sobriety? Somehow, I doubt it.

For anyone out there who knows someone with an eating disorder, the best thing you can do is be supporitive without the commentary of what the ED afflicted puts in their mouths. Those of us in recovery do our best to nourish ourselves, and it aint easy. So please.... let us eat in peace. The comments make it worse.

If you see something, say something, It's better than staying silent. You could save someone's life and they will thank you for it.

2009-11-17T20:22:00.000-08:00

A survivor friend of Mine raised my attention to the recent developments in the case of a Virginia missing college student, Morgan Harrington, in an excellent news article.

http://www.readthehook.com/blog/index.php/2009/11/15/concerned-witnesses-before-hitching-morgan-harrington-caused-worry/

Morgan Harrington was supposed to be en route attending a rock concert, but suddenly disappeared and the accounts of what went down as to what happened and why vary. I understand that pending investigation, police can't say much, but it appears more people are shutting up than talking.

Two years ago, I could have died if people had not assisted me in a near fatal accident. My response to this situation is the following, and my prayer, that people learn from it.

This is a very excellent article. But the circumstances haunt me. It seems that something went down that day that made her get stuck and not able to gain re-entry and more people who know what was up with her like her friends aren't talking. Why go to a concert allegedly planned with friends and arrive by yourself? Alleged... How I detest that word. But it unfortunately has to be used in the lienancy of what is the BS of our criminal judicial system, in my opinion.

What is so troublesome to me is that people have reported mutiple accounts of seeing someone hurt and disoriented resembling her descrption and not wanting to get involved. It's like the Richmond case. What is wrong with people? If I ever saw anything like that, I would call for help immediately and report any suspicions to 911- whether I knew the victim or not. I'd give my name and tell the police everything I knew and saw, willingling and with no regrets. At least one person did according to the article. If you have nothing to hide, then talk. This woman is missing, my fear, dead. Her family devastated at her disapearance. It Reminds of the Natalee Holloway Case.

I live in Manhattan and suffer from a seizure disorder. Many times, I have had seizures on the streets of New york despite compliance with all medication. 1 that severely injured me just two days ago in 2007 and nearly cost me my life. Granted, it was a busy time during exiting work rush hour in midtown and people were around to help, but there were other times at random times of day or just a late night trip to the grocery store where I had them. In all instances, people helped and got me to the hospital. Granted, I carry all medical 411 on my wrist, but still. Why can't more people help people in obvious danger because they fear their reputations of their own ass?

That being said, I will never forget the good samiritans who helped me when I was too impaired from a horrible disorder to help myself and not take advantage of me. They know who they are.

Boy did I predict the future on this one...

2009-11-16T16:17:00.000-08:00

I knew it. I just knew it was only a matter of time before the God Squad would preach out and about... Alcohol abuse.

This article I came across utterly disgusted me.

http://www.contracostatimes.com/opinion/ci_13781779

Look- I am not condoning tanking it up... but umm, I'd love to see a show of hands of how many of the 80 million friends I have who NEVER EVER drank in high school or college under-age- have never ever drank a few too many even OF AGE. Well, I am here to say that while not proud of it, I have fallen into that category, as have many many of my friends- both male and female. None of them ever raped me. The Richmond High School Victim thought the attacker who lured her into this horrific situation was her friend. Some Friend, says me. As one of my survivor friend's once said about her own attackers: "Alcohol doesn't rape people. People rape people."

I understand that alcohol can lower one's inhibitions, but it is not an excuse to rape someone and a victim who has had too much to drink doesn't deserve to be the culprit of such barbaric behavior.

Furthermore, I hear more often than not stories from survivors about being held responsible for their rapes in situations where there was no alcohol involved. Wearing a too short skirt, being out late at night, as we saw with the Central Park Jogger. I don't care what the case is- nobody deserves to be violated this way. EVER. Rape is rape.

It can happen to anyone

2009-11-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

That is all I have to say on the matter. Enough with the criticism of her for not speaking out sooner.

Rape and domestic violence are excruciating to live through, much less talk about. And she had to live her experience with her caliber through the media.

At least she said something. Now, leave her the fuck alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ltKupSScdY

What a Cricus- I mean really...

2009-11-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

I have heard every argument about this couple to last me a lifetime. She shops too much, travels too much, exploits our kids, etc.

He is a womanizing flirt and dirty rotten scoundrel.

ENOUGH ALREADY of Jon and Kate!!!

If you ask me, I think they are media whore wanna be celebrities who are exploiting their innocent children to make $ and going at each other making their divorce a public agenda wasting necessary news airtime that could be covering real crime- (ie… abducted children, missing children, murdered children…. abducted victims, missing victims…. Do the names Morgan Harrington, Madeline McCann, or Laura Garza sound familiar?

Some people felt sorry for Kate when it came out he was cheating and stole money. I don’t condone either scenario, but I also don’t believe in parading your children around on national TV and exposing your private life like it’s the Ringley Brother’s Circus.

I certainly feel for anyone going through a vicious divorce. However, this has happened to many of my friends, and many Jane and John Doe’s I don’t know. We don’t see it on National TV.

All I am saying is, maybe couples should think twice before going on a reality TV show and exposing their private lives. They may be pseudo celebrities now, but they didn’t get the happily ever after. Would they have if they made a different decision? It’s anyone’s guess. For those people reading this who call me judgmental, maybe I am. But I think I am simply raising a valid point.

Finally!!!

2009-11-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

Cheers to my friend and supporter Mario for sending me this link for a victim who spoke out on the ludicrous law about sexual assault arbitration in the workplace. As a recovering Republican leaning towards becoming an independent- she said it all. So did Al Franken, though I never thought I'd be finding myself saying that!

http://thinkprogress.org/2009/11/02/vitter-rape-franken/

Whoever that ignorant congress person was that was featured in the video, and no, I don't really want to know nor did I bother to look it up because people like him who dodge the issue of rape and victim/human rights are not worthy of my time. At least in the Gospel According to MC.

Hmm... 4 reasons I think this is not very funny....

2009-10-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

Just flat out sick.

http://seductionextreme.com/Catalog.asp?PC=DG-4503

1.) Does anyone remember Karen Carpenter? The beautifully talented singer whom we lost to this wretched deadly eating disorder called ANOREXIA?

2.) Or should I mention, Polly Ann Williams- one of the stars of HBO's hit documentary on eating disorders at the Renfrew Center in Florida, titled THIN. Polly was another one who lost her battle with this disease and died in 2008.

3.) The 2 girls I just blogged about a few days ago on this very same topic- both who lost their lives, to yep-Anna Rexi! I hope they are now with God and not suffering anymore.

4.) Making a mockery out of a mental illness with the highest mortality rate of any other to make a profit for your own sick needs to get rich for a Holiday that comes once a year is outrageous and unacceptable, even in these tough times.
NOTHING is amusing about Anorexia.

Speechless

2009-10-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

There was the piece I posted yesterday about the mother starving her child to death, and now there is this:

http://vodpod.com/watch/360360-ifbb-pro-chris-cook-teaches-rear-deltoid-technique-from-gmv

I really just can’t say anything except that this headline making heinous gang rape case along with the deceased victim who was deprived of nourishment by her mother are tied for the year 2009 of the most heinous crime stories I have read about. Let’s hope there’s not a third in the roughly 65 days we have left.

I could go on and on about this, but it hits too close to home for me. However, I will say this. While every detail of this case is very disturbing, what really had me rip roaring pissed was what this cop said. I understand that he probably in the shock and magnitude of the injuries this young woman sustained wasn’t thinking about how he phrased this comment, but to me, it was downright as bad as Whoppi Goldberg saying that rapelanski didn’t “Rape-Rape” his victim. Please. 13 years old…and at the time, at least 2.5 times her age, drugging her with alcohol and sleeping pills. THIRT. FREAKING. TEEN. Earth to Hollywood….

This gang rape victim was not much older than rapelanski’s victim.

"She ended up with those guys under her own will because she knew one of the boys who had gone to the high school before," Gagan said.

LT, who wills themselves or asks to be gang raped by at least 4+ men while fifteen people watch them being brutally sexually assaulted, beaten to a pulp, and found unconscious under a bench? To use the word “rape” and “will” in the same family is a bit of an oxymoron to me. I can’t go there- I just can’t.

I hope these disgusting pigs- and that’s far too mild of a name to describe them, get the chair. If I were this victim, I would be more than “WILLING” to gladly flip the switch and my Catholic ass would not flinch with a shred of regret. God bless this woman and may she be able to heal and find the strength to testify and put her attackers where they belong.

I starved my child, and the Judge let me off. Go Me!

2009-10-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.nj.com/suburbannews/index.ssf/2009/10/errico_of_garwood_pleads_guilt.html

I heard about this case months ago. I really don’t know what to make of it. It appears that for whatever crazy ass reason, the mother was starving her daughter and controlling her food intake due to her own OCD whacked issues, and what I highly suspect, and I do know quite a bit about this, probably an eating disorder of her own.

She claims she knew her daughter was suffering from “psychological problems.” Really? Well if you are intentionally starving your kid to death for whatever asinine reason, umm… yeah, I can see how that can happen. What isn’t clear to me is whether this child developed all these “psychological problems” before her mother started making her wear plastic bags and restricting her diet or after she may have shown symptoms of Anorexia and the mother encouraged and enabled it.

Regardless of the scenario, this poor child eventually starved to death due to her mother’s driven obsessions inflicting them on her own flesh and blood. It’s just downright sick. She comes out and pleads guilty- yep, I assisted in the starvation of my child, and the judge says all righty, an innocent life has been lost. Go volunteer for ANAD and do some time on the couch.

Having been possessed by this evil illness of what I equate with the devil, if I ever have children, despite my own battles with Anorexia, I would do everything I could known to man to make sure that my daughter or son- yes, (Eating Disorders do afflict the male population….) did not fall into the horrible trap that I did. If God forbid they did, I’d give everything I had to help them- not sit back and assist them in their own self destruction.

If ever I become a mother, I will be the one to say- sure, honey, you can have that cupcake or piece of candy. Certainly, not all the time, but I don’t want any future children I may bear to develop the warped thinking patterns of eating disordered behavior. It’s a miserable existence, and this judge's decision, down right egregious.

It goes back to what I have said over and over again about people using their own afflictions or trauma's as excuses for their criminal behavior. I was molested and raped- more than once- as a child and an adult. I don't think it's OK to rape or molest people just because I was and I went through some shit that royally sucked. Having Anorexia royally sucks too, but I am not about to teach my kid how to get it.

Rest in Peace, Hilary Pile

2009-10-21T07:17:00.000-07:00

This story has me heartbroken. But more than heartbroken, like the headline says- Anorexia is a wake up call. I was cringing while reading it. This could be me, or this could be you, to anyone who may be reading this with an eating disorder.

http://www.omaha.com/article/20091021/NEWS01/910209970

Nobody knows better than me, “just eat” is not as simple as people who are not afflicted with this illness make it and how condescending it can sound. But, “just eat” is what anyone with Anorexia has to do to survive and fight the good fight.

As I mentioned in my very first post on this blog, Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any other mental illness, and the highest among all eating disorders. It is not glamorous like Karl Lagerfeld and Ralph Lauren portray it. It is mind hell, and it kills.

I can not emphasize enough that if you have an eating disorder, seek help. This includes all eating disorders in all categories- Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder, and my favorite diagnosis for insurance companies to get around not paying for treatment, “Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified”- a very lame ass diagnosis where sufferers may exhibit multiple symptoms of disordered eating, but medically do not fit the diagnostic criteria for a specific one.

You do not have to be bone thin to have a problem. Unfortunately, insurance companies use this as a barrier to cover treatment. An eating disorder is an eating disorder. All types reek havoc on the body. It incenses me that most insurance companies will pay for you to go someplace for thirty days if you drink too much, but if you have a problem with managing one of life’s basic needs for survival, that’s not a disease.

Many insurance companies these days have been successfully sued with class action lawsuits over their failure to provide coverage for eating disorders and there are many ways you can fight to get them to do so. I have several links on here to national organizations for eating disorders whose dedicated staff assist people on these very issues. Anyone reading this in need of more information may post here, and I will do my best to steer you in the right direction.

Forgiveness

2009-10-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

People often say to me, knowing how devout I am in my faith, but you are a Catholic, can’t you forgive the people who harmed you?

Such questions I am peppered with by not only people of my own fellow faith, but by people of other Christian faiths. I refuse to answer. Such a question is between me and my God.

My personal stance is that forgiveness of the heinous crime of sexual assault is one’s own personal decision; no one should judge if they haven't been there. I often hear survivors say, I forgave my rapist. Again, their choice. Everyone's healing journey must run their own individual course.

With the recent news that Mr. Rapelanski’s ruling determined he must remain in a Swiss jail, I say, this is progress.

Should a sexual assault survivor choose to forgive their assailant, more power to them. I am not certain that will ever be me.

But all that aside, if you come forward and say, yeah, I raped a child, but cut me some slack because I am famous, have $ and been through shit… well, here is my answer to him.

Dear Mr. Rapelanski:

I am sorry your mother died in a concentration camp.

I am sorry your late wife and her unborn child were brutally murdered. It’s not fair.

I’ve been through trauma too. Trauma that was unfair, cruel, and heartless.

The difference that separates us is that people like myself do not inflict our brutal experience of violence on others, and you should not be able to either, using your celebrity status and personal tragedies as a pathetic excuse to pardon you for forcibly raping, drugging and sodomizing a helpless child. I do not feel an ounce of sympathy for your arrogance and your gross sabotage of our legal system.

Sincerely,

Michele Pardon

PS- no pun intended with my last name, but it is my legal one and in this case, could not be better suited to enforce my point.

Hot Air Balloon Boy should be in some hot water....

2009-10-15T17:04:00.000-07:00

Ok…. first of all, if I ever pulled a stint like this, I would be the following:

1)Black and blue until I am purple

2)Temporarily on house arrest until my parents shipped my ass to the strictest reform school on the planet till age 18

I am glad this child is safe, but seriously…. parents who invent hot air balloons in their home w/ little boys and haul them out smack in the middle of night to go chase torrential storms and then of all things, advertise their bat shit crazy parenting on the reality show wife swap…..enough said.

He was indeed the devil for worrying everyone to death and fearing for his life and safety. But he’s also a KID. Kids do crazy screwed up things. When I was little, I used to run away from home and worry my parents into a tizzy until a neighbor would find me crying in the middle of the road because I couldn’t remember where I lived and would haul my ass back home. Time out, vacuuming, and washing floors became my new name.

I hope these parents punish this kid and make him take responsibility for his actions, but I also think they need to take a huge chunk for their own.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2009/10/cable-news-networks-riveted-by-balloon-boy.html

Well- it's highs about time...

2009-10-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

Clearly, I am up far too late, but this one piece spoke to me very deeply. The endeing of sexual violence starts here, or so let's hope.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Talking-to-your-children-about-rape

Karl- Shut the FUCK UP

2009-10-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

I debated about writing about this long and hard for many reasons. Mainly, because I think these kinds of comments and messages are not worthy of attention and feed poor body image and eating disorders.

My position on the subject of Anorexia, along with many of the leading experts, is that it is primarily a biologically based psychiatric illness. I mention Anorexia specifically because it is the eating disorder I have the most experience with- but I do certainly recognize bulimia, binge eating disorder, and obesity. It is my personal opinion that the media itself can not alone cause an illness as complex as an eating disorder, but I definitely think they can cast a heavy influence over those afflicted with one. They say that genetics may load the gun, but the media pulls the trigger.

In the case of Karl Lagerfeld’s recent public defense of the skinny squad, I think this is a prime example of that. The fashion industry in Europe is aggressively trying to stop designers from using emaciated models. This came about after the tragic death of a famous Brazilian model from Anorexia. They are also trying to shut down the infamous Pro-ana and mia websites that promote and advertise tips and tricks to continue eating disordered behavior- sites mainly created by people who suffer from them which I think is rather sick. I am lucky that the information highway when I was 13 did not exist, or I for sure would have been one of those kids drawn to it, as much as I am ashamed to admit it. America has a very long way to go in truly addressing this problem, and the CFDA and Anna Wintour need to do more than their feeble and meek attempts to put an end to glamorizing extreme thinness. The healthcare industry also needs to wake up and realize that eating disorders are just as much as a disease like alcoholism or drug abuse and provide equal coverage. This is why the Mental health parity act due to become effective in January of 2010 is so vital.

Anorexia is not my friend- it is my enemy, and one I fight daily. I don’t need stupid fucks like Karl Lagerfeld coming out with these destructive statements.

http://www.examiner.com/x-3446-Womens-Fashion-Examiner~y2009m10d13-Karl-Lagerfeld-defends-pin-thin-models

Project Fred

2009-10-12T21:30:00.001-07:00

While this project took me two years to complete, I was never more proud, nor could I find someone worthier to receive than my Dear Pastor, Monsignor Thomas Leonard.

As an inside Parish joke, we nicknamed him Fred. Calling him Monsignor can grow tiring.

For the past decade, Fred has been my voice of reason, my compassion when life’s struggles bombarded me and hit me with all that is unfair. He has grounded me and deepened my faith, all the while still being tough on me when I Altar Serve, never resisting to throw out the curve ball outside of standard protocol with his table tricks.

And so it was that I presented him last night a sweater that I made from wool that is shed from sheep on a farm at a monastery in upstate New York. A sweater that took me many hours of labor throughout very traumatic times. I called it Project Fred.

His guidance and leadership in our Parish is nothing short of amazing. People think I am amazing- not just for making the sweater, but for soldiering on throughout all I have endured.

I say- Fred is the amazing one. Fred, this one’s for you!

Roman Rapelanski

2009-09-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

This story has had my survivor friends in uproar today and emotions all a flying.

Rather than rehash the details of what happened, I thought this excellent article summed up the case extremely well and addresses the facts of this horrific story thoroughly and very articulately raises all that is morally wrong with this case.

What stands out for me the most is the fact that all these Lexus liberals like Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, and Deborah Winger- a woman for heaven’s sake- are rallying around in defense of him and fail to forget, this man drugged and raped a child. I read her testimony. It makes no difference that she wasn’t a virgin before this and had consensual sex before- like so many people have attacked her for. In this day and age, even back then, that unfortunately is not unusual. One having sex before does not mean you can not be raped and bears no relevance to the disgusting acts this vile scumbag forced on a young and vulnerable impressionable kid. I also find it hard to swallow that Anjelica Houston did not know what was going on and the fact that she did NOTHING to protect her, downright deplorable. She's one twisted weirdo. I mean seriously- if you are screwing Jack Nicholson, umm... well, that says it all. I am surprised she didn't watch, much less, join in.

The admission of his crime, along with his celebrity status and bogus plea bargain do not make him above compliance with the law. Neither does the victim’s proclaimed forgiveness. Even if the judge was leaning towards rejecting his plea in lieu of more jail time, Mr. Polanski waived his right to a jury trial, hence leaving any further sentencing in this judge’s discretion. He does not have the right to flee the country and not show up to his sentencing because he fears the judge’s decision will be unfair and fall within the category of legal misconduct, which as argued, probably would have. Judges’ are not always unbiased or fair. That’s life- take it from me, it isn’t always fair. It’s no excuse to skip your hearing when the state mandates you to park your rapist ass there.

Had the judge ruled to give him more jail time, that is something his lawyers could have appealed. The legal system is a bitch. It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I don’t agree with a large percentage of it. But there is a set process of policies and procedures in this country when one pleads guilty to a crime. Being famous does not make you above them.

http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2009/09/29/roman-polanski-raped-a-child-a-primer.aspx

This is unacceptable to me

2009-09-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

This story continues to outrage me. I am really tired of hearing about this chick being "disturbed and troubled." Yet, all of her family claims she's a brilliant angel, genius, and smart. Ya don't say? If you are going to have consensual sex with five boys or how ever many it was in a male dormitory college bathroom... well, me wonders just how freaking smart you can be? Surely, not someone so smart who will graduate summa cum lade from Hofstra. Not that I think these boys were smart either, but it doesn't warrant being falsely accused.

My take on this is that myself included, most people I know have engaged in underage drinking, especially in college. It's not legal, but most peeps I know have done it. That doesn't give someone the right to rape an unconscious victim, nor does it give the right for someone who is conscious but might have been drinking to make up a story that they were raped when they weren't. From the evidence produced that I can gather from what has been reported, she wasn't so drunk that she didn't know what she was doing, nor were the men she falsely accused. It's a no win situation, and sadly, the decision has set a bad precedent for people like me and so many who fight for justice and the truth.

I remember my old ADA telling me once... "Our judicial system is designed to protect its weakest member. In our system, that's not you. You are the alleged victim. He is the accused. He has more rights than you do."

So if heaven forbid RAPE ever happened to me again... Yes, rape... the ugly word, the one everyone cringes from and hides under the covers from... would I come forward after this shit even though I knew I had nothing to hide but the brutal truth?

As a rape survivor, I am ashamed to admit it, but my answer at this one is no, I don't think I would. I know how this fucked up system goes and my gravest fear is that with her lies, she's done tremendous and irreverisable damage to a crime that I equate with murder of one's soul.

http://www.1010wins.com/No-Charges-Filed-against-Student-in-Hofstra-Rape-H/5303196

What were they all thinking?

2009-09-21T01:44:00.001-07:00

It took me awhile and some long contemplation after my outrage at this scandal to say what I have to say about this.

My main conclusion is that false accusers ruin it for those who tell the truth.

That being said, while I think it is terribly wrong to falsely accuse one of rape, which it is clear, after the camera video emerged, she did, I don’t think these boys exercised very good judgment either. One’s sexual preferences are their gig. But if you are going to be so dumb as fuck to do what these boys did, then you are opening the gates for trouble. In this case, the video exonerated them, but I still think the behavior of all of the parties is inexcusable.

I don’t think a consensual sexual romp should land you in jail, but to do it in a public and what is probably a filthy men’s dormitory bathroom? I mean…PLUEZ? What were they thinking? Cleary, with the wrong head.

I don’t like that this woman falsely accused them- but I equally don’t like that these men are being portrayed as choir boys in the media. Guilty of rape… no. Guilty of downright stupidity- YES. The responses in the comment section to this article below annoys me.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/09/20/2009-09-20_hofstra_5_have_no_reason_to_whine.html

I have no words for the murder of Annie Le...

2009-09-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

Except that my heart goes out to her family, fiance and freinds. Given how near this college town is to where I grew up, I am grateful I never went to Albertus Magnus College. No offense to Yale or AM students- they are fine educational institutions. But as a Fairfield County Native whose parents wanted me to go to Albertus Magnus- I didn't want to. I was alaramed at the crime rate in New Haven.

Believe it or not, I opted for College at Marymount Manhattan- back in the day, an Upper East side finishing school for girls. Having been exposed to Manhattan as a child to see Broadway, Saint Patrick's Day parades, and all events etc from two parents who grew up there, I never felt safer going to a school that was an hour train ride away from them on Metro North. Manhattan is not without crime or its issues, but I will never regret going to school there.

This murder of this promising student is just beyond my comprehension. It is so senseless and hateful.

http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-15948-Homicide-Examiner~y2009m9d13-Body-of-missing-Yale-graduate-student-believed-found

Ah- Patrick Swayze

2009-09-14T20:20:00.000-07:00

As a ballet dancer, I idolized and worshiped him in Dirty Dancing. I think the times I have seen that movie are tied with Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I had the pleasure of meeting him and his wife Lisa when they would come shop at a dancewear botique I used to manage as my first entry level job out of college. Such lovely and unpretentious people. I will miss him so much.

I hate eating out at Pig and Whistle of all places...

2009-09-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

I hate going out to eat with co-workers, as was the case tonight for "Morale boosting dinner." Seriously- Eating out with them is like putting a hot fudge sundae in front of me. It's worse than jail, and what's the point of boosting morale when my higher ups can't put the people who don't lift a finger to help out in their place?

At dinner, I had 2 mini crab cakes and a tortilla chip with spinach and artichoke dip. Best I could do. For supper, I had the cod fish with tomatoes and basil and string beens + a cranberry seltzer. "Oh... Shelly, what did you get, that looks like a healthy meal. No wonder you stay so thin." No one ever says jack shit to Erin the vegetarian who orders a salad because she's a NORMAL WEIGHT. Why can't they just leave me the fuck alone? I don't comment on what they eat. I know they suspect, but my eating disorder and what I put in my mouth is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

Who will believe us now?

2009-09-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

I hate being wrong. Being wrong is the hardest thing in the world with my stubborn ass Irish genes to admit, but in this case, all the evidence is ruling against my favor. See Link below regarding the Ben Roethlisberger case:

Roethlisberger Accuser's 'Hail Mary' E-Mails, Spoof Resignation Released - Pittsburgh News Story - W

I wanted to believe this girl… I really did. Mainly because I know what it feels like to be telling the truth and have everyone call you a liar, a slut, a whore and you asked for it bitch when it comes to the word no one wants to deal with. RAPE.

I protested against all the people who called this woman these names because I believed her knowing that is what the media and lawyers do to victims. Unfortunately, I was way too quick in my defense of her. Based on the news reports, they uncovered emails sent by her to co workers and friends that proved she was bragging about this sexual encounter with this famous quarterback to beat the band- even proud of it. All the hospitals she was in for her so called nervous breakdown weren’t from a rape, but a break up with some phantom internet soldier lover who never existed in the first place. This story just gets more and more bizarre and this girl is one twisted sister. While nothing has been concluded yet in court and there has been no agreement to any settlement offers, it’s becoming fairly obvious she made it up to extort money from him.

False accusers royally piss me off. The Duke girl, the Kobe girl. Other than the money part as a motive, I really can’t wrap my brain around why a chick would falsely accuse a celebrity of rape when they have traceable evidence like emails they sent boasting about getting laid by one that it was consensual. Come to think of it, I really can’t understand why anyone would make up a false accusation of rape and put themselves in a situation where they have to deal with cops and district attorneys and defense lawyers. Going through that experience was a nightmare I am still living and truly wonder whether or not I will ever wake up from. False accusers fuck things up for the real victims who have the bravery and the courage to come forward and report this barbaric crime. When people like Andrea Mcnulty, Katelyn Faber, (the Kobe accuser) and the Crystal Gail Mangums (Duke accuser) of the world fabricate being raped, well then, who will believe us now?

Need I say more?

2009-08-31T20:34:00.000-07:00

Way to go CA- highs about times you open your freaking eyes! Reading this article and what the victims had to say... Ugh... it reminded me of all I had to say at my own trial. The devastating after math of rape and the toll it takes on anyone close to them. I can't help this time of year and being haunted by all the phone calls, the screaming and the crying, and helplessness of my family as to what to do to calm me, all worried sick not only about my fragile mental state, but for my safety.

This article aint pretty....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090901/ap_en_ce/us_fashion_designer

I don't like August 30th

2009-08-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

Today just Royally sucks. And I mean it as it in today- now 12:01 August 30th, 2009. Yes- I know my blog clock is off and I have no desire to fix it, nor do I posses the technical skill to know how to or care.

The summer season is just the worst for me to cope with. There’s body image and lighter clothes, then there’s the two days from June-September where two separate unrelated incidents of Sexual Assault sent my world spinning inside out and upside down.

All the bad news this week with child abduction/rape cases has not sat well with me. It makes me sick to my stomach, especially when today is such a hard day for me.

But I will try to breathe- and imagine pleasant things.

I Just don't get it...I try, but I don't

2009-08-27T21:36:00.001-07:00

Two of my friends alerted me to this story today.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/08/27/california.kidnap.shed/index.html

Had I not been on vacation, I probably would have seen it and commented on it.

But after reading about it, I have few words. I just don’t understand how this is possible… Like Josef Fritzl (infamous Austrian Incest Dad) how no one could have seen anything? How do you raise an abducted girl who bears two of your children from rape in a shed, live there for what I can’t even comprehend to calculate for how many years and neighbors not notice something array?

At the time frame of the anniversary of when my own rape surrounds me, this just eats at my heart and raises my awareness of just how flawed our system is, and that we live in a society of denial. Until one is caught. Then law enforcement decides to pay attention and do something. In my view, while I wish this amazing woman for surviving what must have been pure hell hope and healing, the legal action comes too little, too late.

Next to Normal

2009-08-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

As a belated 35th birthday present, one of my former roommates and best friends took me to see the Broadway Hit “Next to Normal” in which the lovely and fantastically talented actress, Alice Ripley, won the Tony and plays the lead character.

The play takes the audience on a journey of watching a middle class family battle, grapple and struggle with a house wife and mother’s debilitating mental illness of Bi Polar Disorder- a condition we learn later in the play that was brought on by a devastating traumatic event in her life in early adulthood. I laughed. I cried. I laughed, then cried again. It was one of the most poignant and riveting musicals I have seen since Spring Awakening.

While this musical is not for everyone, I would highly recommend seeing it. It especially hit home for me. I don’t have bipolar disorder- but having had Anorexia for so much of my life, this musical really made me stop and think. Surely- everyone’s family has their skeleton’s in their closets. No one’s family is “Normal.” But when you have a sick parent or as in the case of my family, a sick child, this play for the first time in my life made me see things from a very different perspective; the affect that the person afflicted with a mental illness has on their loved ones around them.

Be it an eating disorder, substance abuse, depression or any other mental ailment, such illnesses often take a powerful hold over the person suffering from them. The person becomes so wrapped up in their illness that they don’t know who they are anymore. It becomes their identity and while they know it’s upsetting to their family and friends, they lack the mental capacity to truly grasp that those close to them are suffering too watching their son/daughter/friend go through this.

As I watched this performance, I could for the first time recognize and appreciate after all the years of my family seeing me suffer from an eating disorder, what they must have felt and probably still feel like. What do we do? She’s been to every Doctor, been on every freaking drug, even tube fed. We’ve exhausted our finances, the insurance is running out. God damn it and exasperated… WHAT CAN WE DO TO MAKE HER EAT?

The hardest message in this play for me to walk away with was that my family and friends can not answer this question. I can’t answer the question either- but I know that ultimately, the solution and the answer only lies within me. Recovery is not always a smooth process. You are not going to sit on a couch for an hour and walk out cured. Sometimes, it often gets worse before it gets better. I’ve fallen, gotten back up, fallen, and gotten back up again. Not giving the whole plot away, but there is a scene in this play where this mother’s frustration with her illness has hit its breaking point and she says to the therapist she’s ready to flat out give up. He says… “Stay with me. Try again.” I don’t think I have ever walked out of a Broadway play with a line like that replaying in my head over and over again…. not even from Spring Awakening which is now tied for first place with Next to Normal as the best pieces of Modern theatre I have ever seen.

WHY?

2009-08-05T12:21:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things in this world that I just don’t understand. My biggest one on this list is why do people rape? Another big one after this God-awful just gut and heart wrenching story is how could a mother driving five kids in a car drive drunk and stoned? 2 of the children were her own. The other three were her brother’s three little girls. The only one that survived this senseless, reckless and tragic car crash was her first born son. She killed herself, the remaining four children and three others in another vehicle on a Westchester Highway returning from a family camping trip. See link below on Diane Shuler.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/05/nyregion/05crash.html?_r=1&hpw

I try not to be judgmental because not all the facts have come out yet, but it makes me very very angry. I mean the facts are that she was drunk and stoned. Toxicology reports don’t lie. What’s even more wacked is that all friends who knew her for years and observed her that weekend said she was fine- that they have never ever seen evidence of a drug or alcohol problem- never even seen her pick up a drink or a ciggie. Even the camp owner who knows her because the family stayed there often said she was very physically close to her when they said goodbye to depart home and didn’t smell a thing. So when exactly did she drink this alcohol? We will never know because the husband left in a separate car going on a fishing trip. Were the kids screaming and it all just got too much for her to deal with so she pulled over and had cocktail hour? Did she have a fight with her husband that morning?

All we know is that she was drinking and puffing the magic dragon based on the blood tests and the Absolute Vodka bottle found at the crash scene. How any Mother could put her own children and her sibling’s children in this kind of situation is enraging and unspeakable. In my view, it makes it worse that she’s dead because now the families of the victims will probably never see any justice.

Something about this story isn’t right and doesn’t add up. Why does a person who never drinks just randomly chug a bottle of Vodka? Something tells me the husband knows more to this story than he’s saying about what was bothering her or knows of a possible substance abuse problem. Unless the boogie man pulled this woman over, forced to her to drink booze and smoke weed, something was very wrong with her that morning. I am hoping her little son once he recovers from his injuries can shed some light to this story.

This is a horrific and devastating tragedy. Please keep all the victims and their surviving family members in your prayers.

Panic Attacks and Just Eat

2009-07-28T01:40:00.000-07:00

I swear- no one unless they have panic attacks or PTSD knows the sheer terror of what one feels like. I get them all the time- in elevators, on subways, walking down the street, in front of my friends and even at work.

On top of the anxiety that can overcome me in crowded places or loud noises, I also battle with my anxiety of food and eating in front of others. I hate it anywhere I go whether it's in front of my friends or my parents and commentary on what I do or do not put in my mouth is most unhelpful even when meant to be well intentioned unless it is coming from my nutritionist or my shrink. How come you are fine with eating gummy bears or cheetos, but you won't eat a hamburger? BECAUSE YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND-I know it makes no sense, I know it defies all logic, but SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Such was how I felt on Sunday at my after church BBQ after suffering a panic attack while being the only Altar girl at my Parish's evening mass when a thunderstorm erupted during the consecration of My Lord Jesus Christ. Somehow, my BFA in theatre got me through the motions. It was thundering when I was raped, so thunderstorms are NOT MY FRIEND.

A kind friend who knows my background that I reached out to when I was hysterical crying encouraged me to join my fellow parishioners at the weekly summer BBQ's we have in the church Grotto. Reluctantly, I went. Tear streaked, Mascara running, and OMG- who saw me that upset on the Altar and did they notice and what do they think?

Like I really want to eat after all that... Well, I did eat what was served but quickly. Then, I picked up my knitting needles to get my mind off things and stitched away only to receive a comment from a parishioner who does not know me well but surely has figured out I have anorexia... Michele, did you eat?

I don't expect lay people to understand the evilness and mindhell of anorexia. But I do expect tact and respectful appropriateness when confronting a friend or accquaintence who has it. If I could "JUST EAT" like all of them, I wouldn't be employing a shrink and a nutritionist.

Really?

2009-07-28T01:22:00.000-07:00

Me wants more than anything to believe this is possible but my gut tells me it's a bunch of hocus pocus. I wonder what my neurologist would say? I am not knocking Oprah- I do like her, even though at times she can be a tad too preachy for me.

But, I think attaching her to be the cure for what is a serious medical condition me and millions of others suffer from is a bit far fetched and promotes a message of false hope. What do you all think?

http://www.kyw1060.com/pages/4860516.php?

Not Staying Silent

2009-07-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

People may kick my ass on this one, but this is how I feel on the Ben Roethlisberger rape case. A friend of mine brought my attention to this article on the statistics of rapes that go un-reported- particularly when the accused is a high profile celebrity.

http://www.rgj.com/article/20090722/NEWS/90722035/1321/NEWS

I believe this girl. I totally believe she is telling the truth. I completely understand what it is like for victims not wanting to report their assaults out of fear of not being believed and being made out to be the bad one, the guilty one, the liar, the slut, the you were asking for it based on what you drank or what you wore, you little whore.

I went through 18 months of defense lawyers and cops, and sometimes even prosecutors- the people who were supposed to be on my side, treating me like this. It sucked- even gave me a nervous breakdown, and my rapist was not famous. Nearly every rape victim who comes forward to report it has to go through this process- remember the Central Park Jogger Tricia Meili who was left for dead and what everyone said about her…. She was jogging late at night…. It’s her fault.

My point is, if I had to do it over again just to have my say in court, I would- regardless of the outcome. While it is true that this victim was not obligated to file a criminal complaint for probably all of the above justifiable reasons I mentioned, in the eyes of the people defending him, only filing a civil complaint makes her look like she wants $, not justice. I am not calling her a gold digger… I am not saying that is her motivation…. I am saying that is what will be the perception, and this comes from my own experience.

I remember when I was going through the criminal investigation in my case, and my family decided to hire a civil attorney just to advise me. When the DA found out I had one, she called me up rip roaring pissed. YOU HAVE A CIVIL ATTORNEY? I’M YOUR ATTORNEY. What’s wrong with some independent counsel looking out for my own best interest? You don’t work for me, you work for the state. Because if you have a civil attorney and this goes to trial, I can’t keep that from the defense and it makes you look like you want money and weakens our case. I thought that was ridiculous but it is unfortunately true and I understood her point.

It is my belief that the only way things in this country can change when it comes to sexual assault is for the victims of this awful act to come forward and report it to authorities so there is a record of a complaint. I’m not gonna lie- it’s not a trip to Disney Land and no, you may not always get the outcome you want. But the only way to raise awareness to the problem is to continue to report it- no matter how famous they are, no matter how drunk you were or what you wore. I don’t want to judge people who don’t come forward, but staying silent enables the problem.

Spare me the aplogy, Mr. Brown

2009-07-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b134955_chris_brown_what_i_did_was_inexcusable.html

I do not subscribe to the philosophy that the crime of rape, childhood sexual abuse, incest, or domestic violence is forgivable.

I do not subscribe to the philosophy that because one has gone through any one of the above that this = free right of passage to inflict such heinous abuse on others.

Chris Brown’s apology to his former girlfriend comes a little too late for me, but one I never would have found acceptable in the first place. It saddens me that people have no ability to see how their selfish actions can affect others.

The hell I live with every day from all combined of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Rape Trauma Syndrome, and my Anorexia are no picnic to live with. I can’t chop a tomato, grill a chicken breast, or boil pasta and if the phone rings, not jump without burning or cutting myself- all injuries unintentional. I’ve been through enough pain- no need to inflict anymore on myself, even though I know many people with my experiences embrace the practice of self harm. I am not one of them.

I have friends who understand my phobias with my PTSD, my ED, and then I have ones who are not so compassionate- one I cut the ribbon off with last week. I am not perfect, but neither is she.

I employ help for my shortcomings. Does she? The answer is no and she has quite a few of her own.

Oscar Award winner indicted for rape

2009-07-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

I absolutely hate reading stories like this.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/06/23/2009-06-23_oscarwinning_songwriter_joseph_brooks_indicted_on_sex_assault_charges.html

They make my stomach lurch. And yes, I know my shrink tells me all the time not to read them, tells me not to watch news stories about rape, not to watch Law and Order Special Victims Unit and movies about rape or anything in the rape family on the Man Hater channel. (AKA Lifetime Television for Women)

The problem is that I feel so strongly about the issue that I can’t help but speak out about it, particularly as it relates to my own experience with rape and our legal system.

It needs to change. YESTERDAY. Craigslist needs some serious ass regulations in place so pigs like this scumbag can’t prey upon young impressionable and aspiring actresses. I think that cops need to be posing as people responding to craiglists ads the same way they do in chat rooms to bust child molesters.

First Phillip Markoff- the infamous craigslist killer, then the other sick fuck who hired a guy he met on craigslist to rape his wife while he watched. NOW THIS. What’s next? This craigslist shit is out of control.

Shall I join a Monastary or convent and take a vow to live simply?

2009-07-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

While I normally write about crime, politics, and eating disorders- all subjects very close to my heart, I feel like I am wandering off into the territory I call writer’s block.

I have heard enough of Michael Jackson to last me a lifetime. Did the Dr. kill him? Who the fuck knows? The point is, I am tired of hearing about it and I think it’s rather sketchy that his Sister Latoya pays a tabloid for her opinion. What grieving sister does that? If it were my brother’s involved in a high profile case and asked for my commentary, I would not charge a dime and if even offered $, it would be allocated to the appropriate charity for a cause in their name.

On top of this, a man I have been dating with a large family- nephew’s, niece’s, and all, while we have only been seeing each other for six weeks and once a week during the week which is fine in the beginning, has something going on during the weekends with every extended member of his family that he is obligated to attend because he is the only single one amongst four sisters with children who guilt him into attending every single family function.

I once dated a man like this with a family like this. Sister’s who demanded Uncle to be at every single event and give his girlfriend a hard time. How is their brother supposed to find a wife if he is spending all his time at his sister’s homes’ at kiddie birthday parties with chiding- bro, you really need a girlfriend… when the one that he had at the time they were fully aware of was never ever good enough for the princesses’ and the Queen- AKA his mother?

After thinking I was going to spend the upcoming Saturday with my new man (Something we had previously discussed) he says to me tonight- oh my bro in law is having a party for his birthday and roasting a pig on a spit. Um- John Doe- you did not tell me you had pig spit bro in law birthday party this weekend. I thought I did. Let’s go out one night next week instead after work. NO. I don’t salvage my summer weekends for just anyone. When you say you are available, I take you at your word. I don’t have the time or the patience to deal with your non committal haphazard bullshit. I seriously don’t think I have it in me to date another man with a family as large as his with Sisters and all their children and him embracing the halo that he’s the King of the Earth because he’s the only man in his biological family. If he wants a serious girlfriend or wife, he won’t get one by me by his caving into the manipulation and guilt and the lures of his family. I will not go through that again. 1X was enough.

I did not imagine him saying he was available to get together this weekend. I am too young for alzhiemer’s and the convent where my fellow female species speak ENGLISH is calling my name. Thoughts on random thoughts???

Justice for 1- Not for All

2009-06-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

I was relieved to see Bernie Made-off was thrown the harshest sentence possible today.

While I think his crimes were heinous, there are other crimes just as heinous that do not get as much media attention in our crime infested society.

This recent case with this animal child rapist in Oklahoma has me rendered speechless. 1 year for the rape of a five year old child? What the fuck is wrong with this judge?

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gzRZ1_GyFOWEIV3k2KM9UjOEqpyQD98S20MO1

Oh the girl had conflicting statements- we have no doubt he did it, it's just a matter of being able to prove it in court. She's freaking five and traumatized. HELLO?

Hearing this man's now adult step-daughter speak about the abuse she suffered at the hands of him made me remember my own sexual abuse as a child. The threats, the mind control, the pure fear that someone bigger than you can instill in you when you are being forced to experience acts that are before your time and have no capacity to understand. I was being forced to have sex before I even knew what it was. Of course I was confused.

Rest in Peace

2009-06-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

What a day it was yesterday. After a lovely evening celebrating with friends for my 35th birthday, I was overcome with sadness at the news of the death of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

Charlie’s Angels was one of my favorite shows as a child- one of the few my mother would let me watch. I remember the days of climbing on chairs and jumping off them trying to emulate her and Linda Carter. Farrah was very brave in coming forward with her fight against cancer, and I think the criticism of her for doing so has been rather unjust.

As far as Michael goes- I’ve always remained divided. While I enjoy his music, I am not a fan of his personal antics and very much to this day believe he was guilty of molesting children even when acquitted. Nonetheless, he was a very rare talent but troubled soul and was tormented by the media hoopla. Nobody deserves to be harassed like that, and I believe a lot of the attention he received hurt him more than helped.

May these two iconic figures rest in peace and their suffering behind them.

And this is acceptable?

2009-06-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry, but NO... not in my book. This poor girl- Mercedes Mendez was video taped or camera recorded or whatever the fuck you call it these days by a bystander and he watches this girl's pain and angst at the hands of these uncivilized broads, and he is not held legally accountable? This is like the NYPD Case where one cop allegedly raped an incapacitated victim, while his partner, allegedly stood watch.

Yet again, a scenario of violence where no one intervened appropriately yet had every opportunity to just pick up a fucking phone and call 911. I was a teenager once too. I know the stupid petty cat fight shit that goes on between girls. I still go through it with some of my less mature adult friends at soon to be 35 years old, unfortunately.

Regardless- and I don't care who may be cheating on who or what have you- there is NEVER an excuse to behave like this. EVER. And anyone who witnesses someone who is so violently assaulted as this girl was has a moral responsibility to report it and not record it like it's a photo opportunity to promote the local circus. Good for evidence, yes- which is probably what got him a free ride... but good for preventing the physical brutality he could have saved this woman? Not cool for School in the Gospel according to me. Brace yourselves- this is not pleasant.

http://www.myfoxchicago.com/dpp/news/crime/no_charges_for_videographer_in_Cell_phone_video_beating

Rape and food = Pleasure! YUMMO

2009-06-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

I have heard some pretty egregious comments when it comes to rape, but this one surely takes the cake-pun intended.

http://jezebel.com/5269464/anti+obesity-activist-meme-roth-compares-eating-to-rape

If there are two things on this planet that are not my friend, they are the following:

1) Rape
2) Eating Disorders

This woman has 1 point I will give her credit for. Unfortunately, defense lawyers do resort to disgusting victim blaming tactics to defend their rapist scumbag clients implying that their victims experienced pleasure from their violent sexual assaults, that it was consensual, that they were drunk, on drugs, a prostitute... You name it, and I've heard the they were asking for it scenario from other survivors, to cases in the media, smack down to my very own experience and legal case with rape.

But to compare pleasure from over-indulging in food to pleasure from being sexually violated is just not something I can wrap my brain around, and the parallel defies all logic in the Gospel according to moi.

Obesity has just as many serious medical complications as Anorexia and Bulimia. To over-indulge in food consumption or as in my case, under-indulge are both equal forms of abusing a substance, even if the extremes are in opposition.

While over-indulging in food may be a temporary pleasurable fix to cope with or or hide behind emotions, I highly doubt that obese people derive pleasure from the taunts they receive by our society’s obsession and preoccupation with “THIN IS IN.” From personal experience, living with an eating disorder is pure mind torture, and I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. I did not wake up out of bed one day and decide “I think I will just become Anorexic.” Just as I am sure, people who struggle with Obesity/Binge Eating Disorder/ or Bulimia, did not wake up out of bed and say “I think I will just start eating what I want and puking it up, I think I will just start eating whatever suits my fancy, and if I become over weight, who cares?” All of my years in treatment have taught me that many of these illnesses are while not always necessarily the case, often genetically and biologically based- much like alcoholism or drug abuse. That is not to say that behavior modification with a qualified professional can't turn it around, but she need not be so harsh in the manner she addresses people who struggle with eating disorder related issues.

It is also a widely published statistic that victims of sexual assault can experience sexual arousal from a rape. It is not uncommon at all, especially in a fight-or-flight experience. The human body is wired to experience sexual pleasure. This in no way suggests that the victim invited, welcomed, or deserved such a vile and invasive crime to be inflicted upon them.

This woman clearly lacks any understanding of sexual assault and the devastating conditions survivors can develop- Rape Trauma Syndrome, PTSD, etc. She also is not a “Registered Dietitian” and has no official legal license to be counseling anyone what they should be putting in their mouths.

There is a new eating disorder out there referred to as EDNOS- Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified that does not fit the medical criteria for Anorexia or Bulimia- the only two official eating disorders recognized by the DSM-V. Not that I should judge given my own struggles with Anorexia- but a chick who claims to be a “Nutritional Counselor” who “May not eat until after 3:PM” unless she’s had a work out sure as hell seems to me to fit the category for EDNOS or Disordered Eating- no matter what her weight is.

What is wrong with New York's Finest?

2009-05-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

Finest, MY ASS. I thought I had just heard it all after the 2 cops who raped the East Village woman. Then, I awake to this...

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2008/12/06/2008-12-06_brooklyn_cop_indicted_in_michael_mineo_s.html

This is just terrible. AWFUL. I am divided between sadness and rage. So this 24 year old dude was smoking a joint... SO WHAT? Have you ever smoked pot? I have. Does that mean I deserve to be brutally sodomized with a baton by a police officer who busts me for getting high?

It just incenses me that law enforcement is supposed to protect us, and then I hear these stories, and it's such a slap in the face. Who are sexual assault victims supposed to go to for help when the people who we are taught to seek assistance from are the ones committing such heinous acts?

What a way to make me laugh!

2009-05-07T16:15:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine who has been through hell of her own in this so called "system" of ours informed me of a hilarious link she found on one of her favorite satire websites about a recent case of a civilian's response to Jury Duty. After a very rough week of crappy rainy weather here in NYC, I laughed so hard, my soda was pouring out of my nose, I nearly peed my pants, and everyone at work had to ask me if I was ok.

http://www.dlisted.com/node/31852

Now... I don't give a rat's ass about what the US Gov says about how it's everyone's civil responsibility to appear for Jury duty. News Flash Uncle Sam... for victims like myself of crime and going through a horrible court case of her own, this rule should be exempt for me. 5 years ago, after trying to get out of it I don't know how many times, they made me go to it anyway and said I could not be excused. What the fuck?

So I went, with my knitting needles and my books, hoping that I would just sit there all day and be excused. Nope... Not with my luck. I got picked for a mock jury panel.

A panel where we all heard some details of a case where this psycho dude wacked some poor man over the head with a baseball bat on East 72nd Street and 3rd. The lawyer's defense strategy? He's a vietnam vet and has paranoia and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and was having a panic attack. Double my luck to have to be a potential juror for selection on a case like this.

Douche bag... I have PTSD. BAD PTSD + Panic attacks & flashbacks. In fact, I had one today during a nasty thunder storm. Do I bash people's heads in with baseball bats or rape little girls and say "I have PTSD... It's ok." Ummmm... NO.

So in the round of questioning on prospective jurors for consideration, this dumb ass defense lawyer calls on me and asks me... "Do you think that because my client is here today, that he automatically is here because he did something wrong?" DUDE... did u go to law school? We just heard he assaulted a man with a baseball bat. DUH!!!!!!?????

Everyone MUST Listen to Faryl Smith's new CD

2009-05-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

I know all the hype on Susan Boyle has taken the world by storm... and don't get me wrong... she is FABULOUS. I am tired of all these people in the media criticizing her for taking advantage of makeover opportunities. The Gospel according to me says good for her and you GO GIRL and blow that arrogant Simon Cowell out of the water!

But... as a huge Ellen Degeneres fan who tapes her program every day, I came across this extraordinary talented young lady who was a contestant on last seasons Britain's Got Talent that I never heard about who performed on her show. She didn't win the talent contest, but In my opinion, at 13 years old, she sure should have! Just watching her sing made me cry.

I would strongly recommend her newly released CD "FARYL" to anyone with PTSD, anyone with a child who can't sleep, or just anyone anywhere who takes comfort in a voice that sounds like it sprung out of heaven... FROM A 13 YEAR OLD! AMAZING!

I do not have Anorexia

2009-04-24T04:48:00.000-07:00

Claims a former Ms. Universe Contestant. I saw these pictures and I about hit the floor. I have had Anorexia since I was 12. I can spot them from the nose bleed section at Yankee Stadium.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Miss-Universe-Australia-Finalist-Stephanie-Naumoska-Says-She-Is-Not-Anorexic/Article/200904415268555?lpos=World_News_First_Home_Page_Feature_Teaser_Region_0&lid=ARTICLE_15268555_Miss_Universe_Australia_Finalist_Stephanie_Naumoska_Says_She_Is_Not_Anorexic

I don't mean to be a hypocrite about something so serious, but this is the classic sign of Anorexics... denial, refusal to maintain a normal body weight, and inability see their emaciated appearance. I was that girl. I still struggle with not seeing how thin I look to others, but at least I am in therapy and recognize I have a problem.

I used to think that Kiera Knightly had an eating disorder but now I am inclined to believe her that she doesn't. I don't think she would have the stamina do all those action movies if she were so malnourished, and she's spotted around London eating normally in restaurants all the time- something most people who have eating disorders do not.

This chick I don't believe. Nobody who eats six healthy meals a day looks like this. She's full of shit.

This is America...

2009-04-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

My Darling Father has a quote- “This is America, you are entitled to your opinion.”

Such was the quote he issued to many Anorexia expert therapists who have treated me over the years to sibling rivalry fights, as well as when me and my brothers got older and we all had our own views of the mess of the world we live in and how it should it work. I guess a lot of it was to keep the peace.

But this brings me to my feelings on the recent Ms.USA pageant, where Ms. California lost to Ms. North Carolina. I didn’t see the pageant, as I do not feel that viewing these events are good for me for obvious reasons- beauty, bikinis, and who is the skinniest, most perfect and most talented. I’ve tortured my life and my health with such ideals. I’ve starred in the movie. I do not need to watch a mirror of myself on TV

I do firmly believe however, that Ms. California’s opinion on Gay Marriage when asked her views on it has been unfairly ostracized by not only the judges of the pageant themselves, but the media as well. I can‘t say whether her answer cost her the crown, as I did not see it. I really don’t care.

But I did see some news clips about it, and my feelings are the following:

This is a USA pageant. Last time I checked, America is a free country that supports freedom of speech and standing up for what you believe in, regardless of whether or not public opinion agrees with it. Criticizing someone for exercising this right defies what we as a country stand for. I love how Obama said the same thing she did about not being for it and is treated like a rock star, but she gets death threats. NICE!

Personally, I am for Gay Marriage- as I have many gay friends. Go ahead my Catholic church group friends and vilify me for feeling this way. I don’t vilify you if you agree with Ms. California. My point is, she owned the right to express her opinion. Kuddos to Angie Harmon for defending her.

Such a wonderful Boy!

2009-04-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

This story of Phillip Markoff is just disgusting. I don't even want to get into the details, but he is accused of assualting and killing women who posted Ads on Craigslist.

Here's what pisses me off...I could give a flying fuck whether or not he's a medical student or the next Patron Saint according to Pope Benedict.

MANY, MANY smart people who are lawyers, doctors, priests, and teachers- even Mother's and fathers rape and kill people. Sometimes, their own flesh and blood. No one wants to believe that it is far more often than not the neighbor next door who seems as common and routine as the fed ex man are the ones responsible for committing such atrocities. Just look at Sandra Cantu.

I understand that people have a hard time understanding why people do bad things to good people. I ask myself everyday, why did the people do what they did to me?

But the fact is, I don't really care why, and I don't think the victims families do either. I care that this type of behavior is unacceptable and dramtically changed my life forever. I am sick of all the shrinks on TV trying to psychonalyze justifiable reasons for criminal's behavior.

And according to Mr. Markoff's fiance.... he is so wonderful and could never hurt a fly. I will be saying my rosary for this deluded alleged bride to be.

Shrinks are human too

2009-04-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

I am very obsessed- I admit, with HBO's mini series "In treatment". It is a fabulous show chronicling the life of a middle aged therapist played by Gabriel Byrne, his relationship with his patients, his own failed marriage, and how it all affects him- prompting him to go back "In Treatment" with his former mentor, a therapist played by the fabulous actress, Diane Wiest, who also happens to be a parishioner of my church.

After reading about horrific criminal stories in the news this week, ones just too gut wrenching to mention... I got to thinking... what has happened to the people we employ to heal us to make them pursue this profession? Do they or have they battled with the same demons in some fashion as us that motivate them to sit and listen to us?

I would never dare ask, as it over-steps the boundaries of professionalism, but I couldn't help but wonder... what have they been through in their lives that makes them want to listen to fucked up people like me? (Just Kidding)

But seriously- I wonder. I think that between tonight's episodes of "In Treatment" and in my bedroom this mornng with The Today Show on in the background while getting dressed for work, it really sparked my curiosity. There I am rolling up my black tights and fastening my skirt, and I hear this really familiar voice on TV commenting on the economy and it's affect on relationships- the affect in particular, on divorced couples with children. I rush to the bedroom and stare at the TV. HOLY SHIT- it was my new shrink.

2009-04-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

Does NYPD Blue not have better things to do?

2009-04-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

See letter posted below to recount this outrageous hoopla.

April 11th, 2009

Environmental Control Board
Mail Adjudication Unit
68 John Street, 10th Floor
New York, New York 10038

Dear Environmental Control Board:

This morning, on my way to run to my local convenience store to purchase Cat Litter, I disposed of my trash in a public trash bin, as the ones provided by my apartment building were full, which is often the case.

Mind you, I have disposed of my garbage many times this way when the above aforementioned is the case in the decade I have resided here. In ten years, I have never been stopped, seen a sign, or issued a fine when I have done this.

It was to my utter shock when an officer stopped me and asked me for my ID. I was terribly taken aback and frightened that I had done something wrong, unbeknownst to me. He was very cocky and took his sweet time explaining to me why I was being approached, but finally told me he observed me disposing of my personal trash in a city trash bin, and fined me $100.00, while pointing to a sign that said this was illegal.

I had no knowledge of this, nor had I ever seen such a sign before. Linings in the trash bins and weather conditions can easily hide this. Had I known that this was not allowed, I NEVER would have proceeded to dispose of my trash this way both in the past and of present.

Despite my explaining to him that I truly did not know that this was the case, that I was in a hurry to attend a Religious Obligation for Holy Saturday, he took his sweet time in recording my drivers license information, and was incredibly arrogant and rude. When he finally issued me the paper fine, I asked him what I needed to do to appeal or fight it. His response was “Oh… so how in a hurry are you now?” I was indeed in a hurry, as I had to be on the Upper West Side at 11:00AM and all of this occurred at approximately between 10:AM and 10:15AM.

I must say that as a crime survivor myself, I have to ask myself, do your officers not have anything better to do with your time than to go after people like me who made an innocent mistake and presented no danger to society? If public trash bins can not be used to dispose of trash, then what are they there for? He was a bored cop with nothing better to do with his time, probably pissed off that he has not risen above sanitation duty, and decided to get his jollies by punishing me- on a Holiday Weekend, no less.

To fine me with such an enormous citation when I explained to him over and over again that I did not know I was doing anything wrong is egregious. The least he could have done was issue me a warning, but he was unmerciful.

In conclusion, I will not and can not afford to pay this fee. I suffer from Epilepsy. Massive accidents as a result of this medical condition resulted in very serious injuries that I sustained to my teeth- injuries requiring oral reconstructive/cosmetic dental surgery that my insurance does not fully cover. I am buried in medical bills, various Dr.’s appointments, etc, and I do not have the personal time to defend my position by appearing in court at this outrageous abuse of power and injustice. I maintain my position that I honestly did not know that I was doing anything wrong, and was very alarmed and unsettled by both this incident, and the Officer’s attitude itself.

I ask in kind to please excuse me of this violation, as I state yet again, was completely unaware I committed one.

Sincerely,

Michele Pardon

State of New York, County of New York

Dated this day of April, 2009

Notary Public

Seal:

Incest Sex Slave Shoots Stepfather

2009-04-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

I saw this link today and it really broke my heart. I know some people argue that they feel like people who rape should spend the rest of their lives in prison to live with what they did to their victims, but I do not share this view. I feel like victims of sexual assault often feel in prison enough with the overwhelming symptoms they live with of PTSD. I as sure the fuck do. I don't care what people think about my religion and it's position on Capital Punishment, but I support it for child sex offenders and all rapists- particularly this scum. I am not suggesting what she did was right and to take the law into her own hands, but I understand why she did it.

www.metro.co.uk/news/world/article.html?Sex_slave_shoots_dead_stepfather

What Recession? How much luxury can one need?

2009-03-24T16:31:00.000-07:00

Sweet Jesus... Reading about this Nasty Divorce between George David and Marie Douglas David just makes my stomach lurch. I mean seriously... whatever their marital indiscretions, he gave her whatever she wanted. She could probably sell that shit and still be just as rich and still be able to afford a Park Avenue Apt- let's not mention it's already been previously agreed in a pre-nup she would get $40mm something, no? And now she wants 100?

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article5945856.ece

Such is a very serious problem in this country called greed. She had a job- she left it to jet set living the good life. What about all the people who have lost them and don't have one through no control of their own? Can't feed their families, can't afford their mortgages? I mean you have Ellen DeGeneres giving away 2 grand at families writing in asking for help due to her fabulous and amazing act of generosity, Ellen's Stimulus package on her talk show.

I seriously wonder whether or not Ms. Countess entered into this marriage because she loved him, or because he could afford to provide her lavish things and if they divorced, she'd immediately get a huge a chunk. He seems like an old ass fart to me. I don't care how rich he is... you'd never find MC servicing him in his bedroom. Umm-he has enough cash to pay prostitutes who won't complain. But, now that it is over... isn't the agreed to amount enough for her? Aiye! And like my friend Liz pointed out, what in the hell is up with her walking around wearing a banana clip? Darling, get your self some fancy diamond barrette's. I haven't worn banana clips since I was in 6th grade- and I am only 2 years younger than this outrageous gold digger. America- where are our prioorties- PLEASE?

Ecstasy for treatment of PTSD??? Some things just defy all logic, and this is one of them…..

2009-03-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29779272/from/ET/

A very close friend of mine who knows how much I suffer from PTSD sent me the above article that was firstly published on Reuters, then MSNBC. I really don’t give a shit whether Reuters was first to run it, then MSNBC or what their contracts or bullshit agreements are with sharing news stories.

I care about responsible and professional journalism, and in the gospel according to MC, this is certainly not an example of one of them. I argued this point with my brother, who was a broadcast journalism major and works for CNN with no success. He said, they were just reporting a story- you don’t have to agree with it.

Maybe so, but I think that using Ecstasy as method of bonding with your therapist to cope with exposure therapy is the following:

1) Dangerous
2) Defeating the purpose of its cathartic intent

Now- I fucking hate exposure therapy- it’s like reliving your worst night mare X2. But, by going through it, it supposedly desensitizes you to things that remind you of and trigger your past trauma. For any of you reading this that has experienced a flashback, you know first hand how terrifying and disorienting one can be. Why add illegal and mind altering drugs to enhance this state? When I am in one, I already feel like I am on drugs. I don’t need any freaking more.

A physician endorsing the use of illegal drugs as a form of therapy violates professional ethics, common sense, and physical safety. It further alters and impairs the patient’s mental state, putting them at risk to possibly be victimized by the provider, or anyone else for that matter. Let’s not forget that a large percentage of rapes have occurred by scumbags who drug women’s drinks with Ecstasy. Need I mention Andrew Luster???

Therapy for Rapists? For the love of Crud, PLEASE!

2009-03-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

Ok…. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE…. I don’t understand what kind of crazy ass legal system Austria has, but I am just beyond this one. I mean, I thought ours was bad… and it is, but this is just asinine.

Josef Fritzl- or as I like to call him, PURE EVIL just began his trial in Austria yesterday for the enslavement and sexual torture of his daughter, Elisabeth where he held her captive in a dungeon and raped her for 24 years. He also impregnated her with six of his children. How a father could do this to his own daughter is just beyond the sophisticated words even the English major in me can come up with.

But seeing this in a European newspaper this morning reporting on his trial almost made me up chuck my bowl of honey nut cheerios.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/joseffritzl/5005518/Josef-Fritzl-offered-counselling-to-cope-with-trial.html

Josef Fritzl traumatized over his legal trial and the government is offering him state assisted therapy? I completely and totally understand this logic. He’s the traumatized one, not his daughter or his children who were stripped of their humanity, freedom and their dignity. I also love how he claims that he was abused by his mother as a child. So the fuck what? I was raped when I was 7 and sexually abused as a kid until I was 15. I then was raped again at 28. I don’t have kids, but if I did, would that give me the right to lock them in a dungeon and sexually torture them for 2 decades? Hmmmm… me thinks not. Unfucking believable!!!

Something on abuse has got to give...

2009-03-05T21:24:00.000-08:00

This whole thing has me in a tail spin as to what to think, and who’s side to take, but obviously, I lean towards the victim on at least reporting this rat bastard.

The break/up then reconciliation- well… I am not a shrink, but I know this dynamic in Battered Woman Syndrome is not uncommon. It’s just very sad that when you have the financial resources better than anyone to seek professional help, you slam the door and return to an abusive relationship.

My feelings on Chris Brown being charged are divided. Part of me wants to jump up and down and scream and shout Yahoo from the hilltops. The other part of me from my own legal experience knows better and feels bitter. Go ahead- call me I can’t get over it.

My rapist was never prosecuted until a 2nd complaint, and both he and I are just Jane and John Doe’s no one has ever heard of.

My point is- crimes like domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, & incest are UNACCEPTABLE no matter who you are. So many people I have met over the years share my story of feeling let down by our joke of a criminal judicial system. Are the people who are supposed to serve and protect out there for us, or are they out there for who can give them the most headlines and story time to go after celebrities when these crimes are common place amongst common folk every day? I often wonder.

This is not to undermine what Mr. Brown did, but a question to all law enforcement. Are you bringing charges against him because you truly care about his celebrity girlfriend’s well being… or do you care more about boosting your careers? If my boyfriend beat the shit out of me and I didn’t win a Grammy, would you go after him?

If they are charging Chris Brown to set an example that such behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated, (Not that I don’t think they shouldn’t), then maintain the same example by giving equal legal consideration for those of us who fall victim to the same crimes who are not household names and just the average human beings. Point made in the Gospel According to MC.

Modified Desk Duty? PLEASE!!!

2009-03-01T07:17:00.000-08:00

Nothing more outraged me than seeing this story on the news this AM

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/02/28/2009-02-28_nypd_officer_accused_of_raping_east_vill.html

NYC Police officers accused of allegedly raping an intoxicated woman. I hate the word "Alleged." It is the one word I had to hear over and over again during my rape case. "Ms. Pardon... you testified that my client allegedly...."

NO. It was not "alleged". He did what I said he did. HE RAPED ME.

I am not advocating for people to be drunk and irresponsible, but we are human and it happens. This does not give the right to those employed to serve and protect to violate the helpless. Whether or not this was a one time thing, or a chronic problem with substance abuse is irrelevant. There is no excuse for rape. EVER

The officer's have desk duty. What duty does the victim have? I will refrain from writing the list because I live it every minute of every day.

Does Anyone Know the Real Me?

2009-02-24T17:47:00.000-08:00

You need to do something about this anger…

Says my nutritionist, says my ex shrink. Did what happened to me happen to them? They can hear a door slam and not jump. They can chop a tomato while hearing the phone ring and not end up in the emergency room almost severing their finger. They can look at a cupcake or a slice of pizza and not suffer from the waves of panic that when I see them, suffocate me. Do what I say, and you can have some candy. You bought me Pizza and beer, that means you like me, so I can force you to have sex with me.

After winning my case with the hospital over the horrific way I was treated a few months ago, I wanted to feel better. Instead, I feel worse. My idiot ex shrink vilified me over this incident. What if you got so out of control with your PTSD, that you hit one of the paramedics and were charged with a crime?

For the love of Christ as we approach Ash Wednesday....PLEASE!!!!! After going through Manhattan criminal court, not once, but TWICE, I for sure know that DA’s have bigger fish to fry. My guess is that this was not a lesson he was taught in Social Work School.

Everyone says I am angry, and I don't deny that I am. Who wouldn’t be if they were me? But that's only one side to me. None of the professionals who psychoanalyze my level of anger see me when I am out dancing with my friends, when I am volunteering at church helping people less fortunate than myself, when I am relaxed and knitting or just doing everyday things young single people my age do. Everyone makes me out to be a basket case because I am very outspoken about what happened to me and I speak my mind when it comes to my feelings about our criminal judicial system. I fight for what I believe in. What’s wrong with that? It's not all of who I am or the only thing I am about.

I can't decide- It's a tough one

2009-02-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

I'ts a two way tie between best dressed with Anne and Penelope and I had three for worst. But I definitely think Whoppi gets 1st place of the worst 3

A moment of Privacy and Silence for Rihanna

2009-02-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

At first, I thought about posting the heinous battered photo of this talented beauty that the press got a hold of who was savagely beaten by whom I hope is now her ex-boyfriend. Then, I thought, If I do that, I would be no better than the Post or TMZ who had the nerve to publish these photos. See below:

http://www.tmz.com/

Then, I thought, why not post a glamour shot of her. Then, I remembered my own days after I was raped. While not horribly beaten, I was still very bruised, as I am pretty tiny, was very disheveled, shaken and still wondering if I was dreaming. God... this must be a nightmare from my childhood because this is not happening to me again. The police, the photos, the exams- all just too horrible to bear, and I am just a nobody. Not famous. Just a nice girl working as an assistant at a fashion magazine at the time. I was still a victim, and so is Rihanna. Rape and domestic violence do not discriminate no matter who you are.

All I could think to myself when I saw these horrible pictures of her was how far away from the bathroom am I because I think I am going to be sick. Shame on the Post and TMZ for publishing these pictures. I would have died if this had been me. How much more can you bring one down when they are already the lowest of the low? She's a human being- not a dog.

It's not that I don't think that the pictures of Rihanna do raise the awareness of the problem of violence against women in this country- they do. But, most papers and media have a policy about not releasing the names of victims. They didn't release the Alex Kelly Victims' names until after the trial. They did not release the name of the Central Park Jogger until she came forward. They did not release the name of the horrible story of the Columbia Student who was brutally beaten, raped and tortured most recently and opted to name her "Lady Courage." Why is it that because Rihanna is famous they think it gives them the right to go against the standard?

I do believe there are women who make false accusations of abuse like the troubled woman at the center of the duke case. But I also believe these cases are rare.

Leave Rihanna alone... she is entitled to her dignity and her privacy.

It pays to complain

2009-02-20T05:06:00.000-08:00

Awhile back, I blogged about my horrific experience with paramedics and police where I was hauled, grabbed, restrained and handcuffed to the hospital via ambulance... all because bystander paramedics in an ambulance saw me slip on some ice. I was fine, but they saw my medical alert bracelet and insisted I go because they thought I had a seizure. I did not, but they wouldn't listen to me and when I refused to go, created a circus outside my building calling police, then accused me of being on drugs, etc. Not an incident I care to write about in detail again. But after complaining to the appropriate organizations and authorities that this incident was not only totally unnecessary but completely out of line and their investigation proved I was telling the truth, I won my demand that all hospital and ambulance bills be waived. Justice for MC has truly made my weekend. While this incident is Minor in compassion to things like rape and murder, the lesson is not. Stand up for yourself... fight for what is right, and never give up.

Monkey Business

2009-02-18T02:57:00.000-08:00

Not sure what I make of this one…

As a Fairfield County Native and also a pet lover, my heart goes out to both parties. Both the owner of the chimpanzee Travis, and her neighbor who was severely disfigured by him. You can see the story here:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article5750278.ece

I have seen and adore the movie Project X w/ Helen Hunt, all about the study of chimpanzees. However, they were trained professionals equipped to deal with exotic animals. I am not sure 70 year olds who take them in as pets are best suited or knowledgeable care givers and question whether or not raising a monkey in your home should be legal. While they are more self sufficient than other pets and have amazing capabilities, they are still animals and can not be held to the same standard as humans. Not that I think some humans always behave as humans should- (i.e- rapists, murders, wife-beaters, etc.,) but you get my point.

I have two cats- one who once injured me very badly because she was scared at the vet’s on a routine nail trim where there had been a dog rescue over night. The barking freaked her out and she scratched me. I ended up with Cat Scratch fever in Cornell for five days. It was awful… but I didn’t feel that a cat in a one time incident where she was traumatized and justifiably so, was good enough reason to abandon. Unlike Travis, my cats do not have the capability to grab my keys, walk out of my apartment and stop Manhattan traffic. When an animal can do this- I think it’s time to legally re-evaluate whether or not a domestic residence is appropriate.

I am sure that it must have been horrible for the owner to have to stab her own pet in attempt to keep them from harming her friend and witness her friend sustaining what are now permanent injuries, as well as seeing her pet shot to death by police, but at the end of the day… the real victim in this tragedy is alive and will have to live with this damage for the rest of her life. 2 missing hands- facial damage… think about it. I am thinking bringing an exotic animal into a home to raise is about as bad judgment as having 14 kids when you have no job or husband and living off disability checks and food stamps.

Barbie is a Bad Influence

2009-02-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

Because I am still well connected in the Fashion World, along with many clients and constituents my firm supports, I am often extended the opportunity to attend events at Fashion Week in NYC.

Nothing more appalled me than the hoopla at the Barbie Show yesterday. That’s right folks- the economy is so bad, that they have to get Mattel toys to back a Barbie themed fashion show which I am sure cost millions. I did not request an invite to the Barbie show because I feel it represents all things wrong- Skinny plastic dolls while humans emulate their images.

I understand the History and popularity of Barbie- I truly do. I in fact collect dolls voraciously, but they are primarily porcelain and the plastic ones, healthy looking,

The insanity of everyone trying to gain access to this show like it was the end of eternity if they didn’t while I patiently sat at the Tresseme do your hair for free freebie observing the circus was making my blood boil. People were waiving their invites…but I have a seat assignment! But I RSVPD!

As I am waiting to get my hair done, I keep hearing all the comments from people behind me who could not get into the show watching it on TV… Oh that’s hot, that’s cool, that’s 60’s Barbie, that’s 80’s Barbie. I grew so mad, that I whipped around infuriated, and I said, point blank to strangers…yeah the clothes are cool… but if you had a little girl, would you bring her to this? They looked at me first shocked, then, were receptive- she has a point. Even Barbie has gotten fatter. Barbie Fatter? What about Barbie looking HEALTHIER? I don’t think I have ever seen a fat Barbie- but I have seen pregnant Barbie from all the children I have baby sat for over the years where you push in her tummy and a plastic “Baby Barbie” pops out. Don’t mean to be blunt, but if we are going to teach kids about reproduction via toys- why not have the baby pop out of the Vagina and explain that sometimes when things go wrong, sometimes, the baby comes out of mommy’s tummy?

The thing that further pissed me off was that all of the “Barbie Models” came out in the final runway walk with their child/children hand in hand… fully made up and wearing poodle skirts

All the while…there is a CFDA booth promoting health and wellness in the tent while models who are at best 100lbs at 5’9 are walking down the runways. I just don’t understand why an industry claiming that they are taking measures-no pun intended- on the skinny squad to stop this- then goes and supports the exact opposite. I guess $ is more important than human life.

This makes no sense to me....

2009-02-13T16:35:00.000-08:00

This story is just one that is horrible writing about because it is just so beyond incomprehensible, unconscionable, and just down right pure evil at it's worst.

Austrian Incest victim Elisabeth Fritzl was held hostage in a basement dungeon for nearly 24-years. She was abducted by her father and forced to be his sex slave where she was raped repeatedly by him and fathered 7 of his children- one who died shortly after birth that he burnt in a furnace so no one would discover his crimes.

Anyways, the girl's dip shit clueless mother claimed she had no idea that her husband had abducted their daughter and bought his bullshit story that she ran off in a cult, got pregnant, and left 3 of the kids on the doorstep with a note asking her Mother to raise them saying she wasn't capable of raising them herself. Apparently, the father felt those three were the loudest of the six and feared his heinous actions would be discovered so he concocted this story and the mother bought it. So, three kids were captive downstairs, with Mommy and grandpa, while the other three were raised upstairs with the grandmother.

Let's not mention- this man prior to abducting his daughter had a rape conviction, did time in jail for it, and his wife, Rosemarie Fritzl continued to stay with him. I believe their own family has 7 children. What kind of a mother stays with a man like that and bears his kids with no freaking clue he is at risk for doing the same thing to his own. DUH? History repeated itself. It makes me SO MAD.

What makes me even madder is the fact that now, the mother won money because the Austrian papers used her name and slandered her- something like that... Yet, the court ruled against awarding any compensation to Elisabeth- THE VICTIM... because her case was criminal and a matter of public record. I know she has gotten plenty of money from the government and probably still will after her ordeal to continue to shelter and feed her children, but STILL.... Does this make sense to you? It's outrageous. No amount of money will ever compensate for what she endured, but the fact that they ruled against her in this case and awarded her nothing is infuriating to me. Her name was blasted all over the place too...as are many victims. Personally, I don't view Rosemarie Frizl as a victim. I view her as an enabler in some serious ASS DENIAl. Go ahead, call my judgemental... the gospel according to me will never budge my opinion on this one.

News story posted: http://austriantimes.at/index.php?id=11208

Heidi Klum Too Fat to be a Super Model???

2009-02-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

I really can't even on opening day of Fashion Week even begin to know what to say as to where to start here, except that I am utterly speechless. I guess all models should starve themselves and die of Anorexia, as did a Brazilian Model a few years back because of the ridiculous standards the runway world puts on on models to be skinny.

After this Model died, the CFDA came out and said they were going to come up with rules and regulations on BMI's and weight requirements for these skinny bitches to qualify for the cat walk. France passed these regulations. The USA has not. Ummmm... why am I not surprised? See outrageous story below.

http://www.theimproper.com/Template_Article.aspx?IssueId=11&ArticleId=3163

Mother of the Year!!!

2009-02-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

If there is one topic I try to refrain from discussing my feelings about, it is abortion. The subject is just too heated and I avoid it like the plague. The truth of the matter is that I have very mixed feelings about when abortion is and is not appropriate regardless of the fact that it is legal.

But the situation of Nadya Suleman….well umm… hmm…. I kind of don’t really know what to say except that after seeing clips of her interview with Ann Curry, my first impression was that she’s nuttier than a fruitcake and has more distorted thinking than one of those trick mirrors you see at the county carnival

I don’t think it’s very responsible to give birth to fourteen children when you have no spouse and no job. DUH? I think Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are a little fruit loopy too with eighteen children all starting with the letter J but at least they are married and the Father works.

Apparently, this woman wanted a big family to fill a void from when she was a child, and having fourteen little buggers out of wedlock with no hubby and no job was her idea of a solution. My Solution in the Gospel according to MC…. sweetie, if you had a fucked up childhood, get your tush on the couch and out of labor-PRONTO! I mean, I had a fucked up childhood with my learning disability, my eating disorder, and sexual abuse, but I am not dumb as fuck to think that having fourteen kids when I am broke as hell is going to fix my childhood traumas.

I don’t know who is crazier- Ms. Suleman or the quack Dr. who knowing her situation implanted the embryo’s when she already had six kids she could barely take care of as it was.

I also love how she has this amazing church group and that her friends will help and God will somehow provide. I’d like my friends at church and God to pay my bills too, but they don’t. I asked one of my close friends from this amazing church group on face book this morning… if I had fourteen kids would you and all my other best buds on the God Squad be beating down my door to sign up for diaper duty? She just started laughing at me hysterically.

The Jessica's

2009-02-07T05:57:00.000-08:00

With everything going on in the state of the world, seeing this story making the Yahoo News really made me very sad.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=35486

Awhile back, I wrote about Jessica Alba and her air brushed Campari ads that she posed for after giving birth to her daughter. If you compare the before and after, she looks much healthier in the first one. The 2nd one is altered and shows where they have shaved down her figure to make her look thinner. Having worked for a fashion magazine for many years, I know this is common practice in the art and graphics department, but I think it’s wrong and sends a dangerous message to women everywhere.

Jessica Alba has gone on the record and admitted that she has suffered from Anorexia in the past, and I feel for her because I know how hard it is. I can only imagine how difficult it is to lose baby weight when you have had a history of an eating disorder and very much in the public eye. But, the fact that she admits that she wore a girdle to lose the weight, had tear jerking work outs at the gym, and is comparing herself to one of her other friends about how thin she looked after having a baby really disappoints and saddens me.

I guess for one thing, it tells me she is still very wrapped up in her eating disorder and emphasis on appearance and full disclosure- reminds me of myself. For another thing, she is a role model to young women and going out and publicly saying she wore a girdle and exercised herself to tears to get skinny again- well… I think that while I have no doubt she did these things, is bad judgment on her part and she should discuss these things with a therapist instead of reporters. Young impressionable girls and women like me with eating disorders don’t need to know or see this information blasted over the internet.

I also think it’s disgusting for the media to go criticizing Jessica Simpson for gaining weight. She obviously doesn’t seem to care, and seems quite happy. I watch all these shows on Access Hollywood where they go blasting the skinny celeb squad about how unhealthy Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Victoria Beckham look. I agree with them 100%. But then they turn around and be the ultimate hypocrites and attack Jessica Simpson by calling her fat. Go figure. Both Jessica’s are talented and beautiful in my opinion. I hope that they can find peace with themselves, live their lives, and distance themselves as best they can from the paparazzi circus.

So, if you are rich, you can't be victimized?

2009-02-06T06:41:00.000-08:00

After the news broke that Madoff cheated a bunch of high profile Celebs- I wasn’t surprised.

There are things about this situation I get legally, but very morally and ethically disagree with on a variety of counts.

I get- he’s monitored closely by law enforcement and not a likely flight risk. I get that he didn’t murder or rape anyone and does not pose a threat of violence to the Manhattan Community. But does that make what he did right and justify being allowed to stay in his penthouse? The Gospel according to me says- NO FUCKING WAY

I pass by his building everyday to and from my office and see the media hoopla outside of his building. I frankly don’t understand why the man always has a smug, sly, smile on his face and has no comment to anyone other than his lawyer and law enforcement. The media is wasting their time and will not get an answer out of him. What can he say? Greed overcame me? Ya don’t say! DUH????

Lastly, I work very hard for an investment banking firm as an Executive Assistant. I assist a team of extraordinarily bright and educated staff who are busting their ass to fix this economic mess.

So many people I know in the arts community say well, he was wrong, and it sucks, but they are rich, and I am a starving artist who lives in Brooklyn or Queens. They fail to grasp the principle of regardless of how much money you make, taking advantage of hard working people period is down right disgusting.

These comments make me mad. So people who work hard to earn what they do deserve to be taken advantage of? THEY DO NOT- and that is coming from a very poor person who lives in a very antiquated building on the UES. Many wealthy people give their time and $ to fabulous charitable causes.

The jealousy mind set over how- well, at least they still have a lot of cash and I don't, doesn't sit well with MC. If I were a member of the Upper Crust and he fucked me over, I'd be rip roaring pissed too.

Kidnapped? So not....

2009-02-03T05:02:00.000-08:00

Ok… I hate to be judgmental, but I am going to be anyway. The story of Erica Desai- Saint John’s University Freshman who was expelled for allegedly using her roommate’s credit card really bothers me. She ran away because she was too ashamed to fess up to her family and then concocted a story to the police in a 911 call claiming she’d been kidnapped. It reminds me of the story of the chick a few years ago who did a similar thing when she got cold feet before she was supposed to tie the knot.

Story is here: http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=6638253

I understand that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and that young people often do dumb stupid things. But I think it is a very selfish thing to put your family though horrible worry by making them fear for your safety by running away because you fucked up. It’s not like she was a teenager living at home and being abused.

I also think that with child abduction being such a national epidemic in this country, you should not be allowed to make up false stories of being a victim of a felony crime and not have to face any consequences for it. The police said she won’t be charged. I’m glad she’s safe, but she should at least get something… probation? Community Service? What do you all think?

Toddlers and Tiaras- How can any parent be ok with this?

2009-01-27T09:20:00.000-08:00

Watching this segment with Anne Curry on the Today Show this morning gave me the shivers.

I don’t care what these mothers' say…. I don’t really believe that these kids really enjoy all this beauty hoopla. I think the mother’s pressure them into it and that it is a sick and twisted way to live vicariously through their children. I only say this because while never a beauty queen, I was a ballet dancer at one of the most prestigious and elite ballet academies in the United States- School of American Ballet at Lincoln Center. I met more stage mother’s there who constantly pressured their daughters to be ballerinas- daughters who eventually out grew it and had no desire anymore to pursue dance, yet the Mom’s still dragged them kicking and screaming with bleeding toes and dance bags stuffed with tights, leotards, pointe shoes, hair pins, and carrot sticks to the David Rose Building on 66th and Broadway. The movie Center Stage does an excellent job portraying the mother/daughter dynamic I am speaking of. Thankfully, my mother was one of the rare parents who never forced me into the bun head world, I just happened to love it.

But I know first hand that what seems all glamorous and fabulous has consequences. For one thing, while certainly not the only thing, ballet played a huge role in the onset of my eating disorder with the pressure to be skinny and the pressure to be perfect. And now TV networks are producing Television shows such as this documentary – (link pasted below) promoting little girls parading around in make up and heels and competing in beauty pageants as young as three.

http://wbztv.com/entertainment/beauty.pagents.toddlers.2.918747.html

I think this is disgusting, unworthy of any kind of endorsement by any television network or advertiser, irresponsible parenting, and well, just down right creepy. I was appalled looking at all of these kids on the couch in their ridiculous make up and sexy outfits that are completely inappropriate. Exploiting our children in this manner does not give them confidence, poise, self esteem, grace, and all this other bullshit their stupid ass mothers’ claim. It is not cool. It is setting them up to be a magnet for sexual predators. Does anyone remember this deceased little beauty queen in the picture above? That's all I have to say to prove my point in the Gospel According to Michele Christine.

When is free speech appropriate?

2009-01-25T04:31:00.000-08:00

Part of the reason why I started this blog was to vent my feelings on the insanity of the world- especially in this God forsaken city. But my two main reasons for starting it were to raise awareness about how our criminal justice system needs a major over-haul and the dangers of eating disorders.

Referring to the latter, while I am all for free speech, I am appalled at some of the websites I have read about in recent news promoting eating disorders- AKA- Pro-ANA & Mia.

For those of you who don't know, Ana is code for Anorexia. Mia is code for bulimia. Hundreds and thousands of websites have been started by people who suffer from these deadly disorders offering tips on how to stay sick. As much as I struggle with my Anorexia, I would never ever endorse such a thing. I wonder sometimes for teenagers who have eating disorders- do their parents know what they are doing on line?

My eating disorder started long before the on line information age so this movement is a little foriegn to me. But parents need to be aware of what their eating disorderd child might be doing. These pro eating disorder sites have sparked national attention and resulted in legal action across many states and countries to shut them down. Is free speech really ok when it could cost someone their life?

What would you do?

2009-01-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

I am unfortunately, a sucker for Lifetime movies- AKA the Man-hater Chanel. Some are just beyond so horribly constructed that they are entertaining on a rainy day. But some, like one surprisingly that I had never seen before, called "A reason to Believe" struck a chord with me.

The long and short of it was about a girl who attended a fraternity party and was raped by a friend of her boyfriend's who was a fellow frat brother. I caught the movie 20 minutes into it and did not understand why the boyfriend never went w/ her to the party but that's besides the point.

The point is, she was raped by her boyfriend's fraternity brother. She said no. She was drunk, but not drunk enough to say "Stop it. NO. You are hurting me."

And of course, when she realizes what happened and reports it, no one stands by her and the college tries to cover it up in their as my friend Liz would say, Mickey Mouse court jury of students on a disciplanry comittee. Call her a whore, a slut, you asked for it.

While I agree that a buddy system should be in tact in these situations, sometimes, people can get carried away under the influence of alcohol. I have back in the day. But, when it is clear that one is not in a position to consent, gentleman should be gentleman. I don't think that this boy was so drunk that he didn't know what he was doing.

While I have my doubts that these kinds of wild and crazy frat parties will ever cease, campus's need to eduacate students on what can happen when no means no.

I don't know what the solution is to this problem. College kids are going to drink, go to parties, and when you designate one who vows not to and fulfills and delivers that promise, offers to see their friend home safe, what if that friend resists and says she is fine when you the sober one knows she is not and fear for her safety? What do you do? Do you drag her back to the dorm? Do you call campus security? What do you do?

So I ask myself, what would Michele Christine do? Michele Christine would do whatever she had to if she could prevent a friend from being at risk for rape, and hope that one day, someday, I saved someone's life from a crime that inflicts so much pain.

Angel Face?

2009-01-17T05:22:00.000-08:00

Yep- I kid you not... that is what the American press is calling Amanda Knox- a foreign exchange student I blogged about awhile back accused of slitting her flat mate's throat in Italy last Halloween in a sex and drug infused fantasy game gone array, the prosecutors allege.

Because she's attractive, the American media calls her angel face. Her parents on the today show yesterday said everyone is just targeting her because she's a pretty American girl and they resent her. Really? Then why is your daughter's DNA all over the murder weapon? Her trial began in Italy yesterday. The photo I posted is of her and her then boyfriend, also a suspect, kissing outside the flat while police investigated the crime scene. In the gospel according to Michele Christine, she doesn't look so angel face to me. If my roommate had just been brutally murdered and I was so innocent of it, I wouldn't have the stomach to kiss any boyfriend. I'd be shitting my pants and scared to death the police would suspect me of comitting the crime and having panic attacks on the phone to my lawyer. DUH?

Who's the real Victim in all of this tragedy?

2009-01-17T04:33:00.000-08:00

The recently released tapes of Casey Anthony and her parents of their conversation in jail is really pissing MC off. "No one will let me speak... No one will hear my side..." Oh? What side? Which version? The fake Nanny who is now suing you because she lost her job, credibility and integrity who never existed that you claim took her? "Everything has been taken from me." Oh? What about how you took your daughter from everyone who loved her in a selfish act called BABY MURDER? You can see the story here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation/AP/story/857578.html

I don't understand how this girl if she wants a chance at all is so freaking stupid to be opening her mouth when prison rules mandate all communication from visits to phone conversations are public 411 unless it's your attorney. If I were her attorney, I'd get rid of her because she's so dumb as fuck. If you ask me, he's in it for the fame. I can not believe for a moment he believes she is innocent and is being pretty downright unprofessional by only being involved in this case for the attention and media interviews it will get him to boost his practice. Putting this girl through a trial instead of plea bargaining, as much as that process disgusts me, will be the only thing that will take the death penalty off the table because a jury will convict her in a NY minute. The evidence is just too damning.

No one will let me speak... wa wa wa... Sure we will. Admit you killed your daughter because that's the only thing that will save you from the chair. How sad is it that her daughter will never get the opportunity to live again... to experience childhood, never again smell the flowers, ride her first bike, miss her first day of Kindergarten, and the excitement of her first date? I have no sympathy for Casey Anthony. Her disgusting throw me a pity party because I am a victim too is beyond nauseating.

Come on.... it's just trail mix!

2009-01-15T03:48:00.000-08:00

This morning, I went down to walgreens downstairs from my house- Yes, in the cold, and in the snow. I needed to buy eggs for my cheddar omelete. This woman in front of me was purchasing three bags of trail mix that were advertised 3 for 3$. The cashier refused to sell them to her and said "You bought 3 yesterday. I can't sell these to you. There's a limit." SAY WHAT? I can't tell you how many times I've been down there in the course of a week and capitalized on the five campbells hearty soups for 5$ that's on sale, or whatever else I need that's on sale. No sales person has ever said to me- I recognize you, you can't buy this today because you bought it yesterday.

The woman got very angry and started screaming that this was ridiculous. I can't say I blame her- I'd be pissed off too on principle. But at the end of the day, on both ends- it is just trail mix. In defense of the customer, I said, there's another Walgreens on 68th and third. I bet they won't give you a problem there. Gosh Golly Miss Molly!

He gets to go home AGAIN???

2009-01-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

After the news broke that a judge ruled against the appeal to revoke Bernard Madoff's bail... well... all I can say is that all of my investment bankers and I were utterly shell shocked watching this decision across the MSN TV's.

In my observation of his sly smirk every time I see him on Camera, this man shows no remorse for what he did. It's almost like you can read what he is thinking. I translate it to an explanation of this:

Yep, I did it, Yep, I know I am going to jail... but the money is gone, and I can't do anything about it now. I screwed everyone and now I know I am screwed so let me live my last few months of freedom in my $7mm penthouse on East 64Th because I will most likely die in prison if I don't kill myself first. At least I am trying to cooperate, I confessed, and am trying to work out a deal to avoid a trial.

That is what his attitude says to me... like it's ho hum, and oh well. I am not an attorney, don't particularly care for them, and have a very hard time understanding just why the judge sees no reason to hold him in a cell after his fraudulent crimes.

I guess it is a matter of tracing everything he did in order to successfully indict him on criminal charges which could take the prosecutors months to prove that would render sufficient grounds to remand him to custody. It just really sucks that judges must rely on the diplomacy and guidelines of the law rather than what they know is the obvious. If this were a body missing and not money, he'd be in jail for sure.

I seriously felt on my walk home from 57th & Lex, paying a visit to East 64th and park and hurling a grenade at the top floor. Justice sometimes isn't fair and royally sucks.

He didn't know selling his Minor daughter in exchange for food and booze was illegal?

2009-01-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

You don't say! Give me a freaking break. PLEASE. I saw this story on line and it infuriated me how a parent could actually claim not to know that selling his child into an arranged marriage was illegal. To read that the chief of Greenfield Police actually believes the bullshit hogwash that this vile excuse for a human being didn't know it was wrong due to differences in cultures and laws further incenses me. I don't even want to know what this poor child has been through. I am going to be ill.

See the link to this absolutely disgusting story.

http://www.kcba.com/Global/story.asp?S=9661699

Why doesn't America just legalize stealing?

2009-01-12T09:35:00.000-08:00

I just got the news alert that the judge in the Bernie Madoff case allowed him to remain free on bond in his Manhattan Penthouse. This a photo of him just content as a clam watching TV in his huge ass digs on the UES. Nice! Way to go Your Honor!

Red Carpet Divas and Disasters

2009-01-12T06:55:00.000-08:00

Every year, I always pick one best dressed female and one worst dressed female. I could care less about the men. This year, I was tied on the worst dressed list. I don't know what Maggie and Renee were thinking. Renee looked like she rolled out of bed after falling asleep in her clothes the night before from too much partying and Maggie looks like she's a dyed leopard at the zoo.

Can a video game help with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

2009-01-09T17:36:00.000-08:00

I saw this in the Post and on the Today show this morning.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/01/playing-tetris.html

A new study reports that the game Tetris can help with symptoms of PTSD for those victims who suffer from traumatic memories. I think it is a fascinating study, but I was a little surprised by the fact that it's really not a theory that's very new and that's how they are marketing it.

It almost exactly mirrors a popular treatment for PTSD called EMDR therapy- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, a treatment that I have undergone to help cope with my flashbacks. The process involves a lot of eye movements either following a light or movement underneath the guidance of a therapist while recalling traumatic memories. The theory is that by focusing on something repetitive, it can help reduce the frequency of flashbacks or at least help get you through them that can distract you from feeling like you are reliving the event in the present even while it's in the past- a symptom all too familiar for those of us who suffer from PTSD.

The more interesting thing is that, nobody seems to know including the people who invented it, why it works. I can not sit here and say that EMDR or therapeutic tactics such as this recent study have eliminated all of my awful memories from what I went through, but focusing on repetitive tasks and learning how to ground myself with my surroundings has worked to help soothe me through the fires of hell when friends or family are not around. Whatever works says the Gospel according to Michele Christine.

My feelings on the death Penalty in regards to criminal Justice

2009-01-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

I can recall the very day at my job where me and and many of my friends were jumping up and down when Scott Peterson received the death penalty for his wife Laci and it was announced all over tv and email blasts. Everyone known to man knows he killed her and his unborn child Connor, just like the jury who acquitted OJ knows damn well he killed Nicole and Ron Goldman. Why they did, I am not sure. My belief is that it was payback for Rodney King.

After a fellow blogger friend of mine posted a link on Carlie Brucia, I almost went ape shit. She was an 11 year old girl from FL returning on a walk home from a sleepover at a friend's house where she was abducted on tape by a convicted felon out on probation in the parking lot of a gas station. She was raped and brutally murdered.

The Link is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJoID7VwRtM

Enough evidence convinced a jury he was drop dead guilty and he was sentenced to death, as well he should be. Now, his attorney is trying to over-turn his death penalty senntence. PLEASE!!!

I have not a grain of rice of mercy for rapisits or child molesters, particualarly, those who rape or molest children. The damage of sexual abuse is life long- be it child or adult. Call me a bad Catholic, but I really don't care. From my own experience, I simply do not believe sexual predators can be reformed, and I resent my tax dollars keeping rapists and murderers alive.

Not so Poppy in the Gospel according to MC

2009-01-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

I have never had a drug problem, thank the Lord. But, I have an eating disorder that I grapple with every day that feels like just as much of an addiction as one who struggles with substance abuse. Be your vice too much booze, too many drugs, too much gambling, too much food, or in my case, too little...I don't think mental illness is something to make fun of. Jay Leno's comment that most nutritionists would find Amy Winehouse's crack addiction more nutritious than a pop tart really pissed me off.

I am guilty- I LOVE Amy Winehouse's music. I think she is incredibly talented, but I don't think her problems are anything to laugh at. My nutritionist thinks I just like her because she's a bad girl- a rebel and relate to her. She won't stop doing drugs, and I sit in front of the just eat police every two weeks and ask, when there are potatoes in my soup, why do I also need to have a baked one? Because for somebody at your weight, just soup is not enough.

I wonder if perhaps, she may be right at how I relate to Amy Winehouse. Regardless, I would love to see the day when my nutritionist appears on Jay Leno and claim crack is healthier than a pop tart, when she would probably give me a gold medal If I dared to eat one, pathetic as that sounds.

Damn it Oprah, SHUT UP ALREADY

2009-01-06T11:27:00.000-08:00

Is anyone sick and tired of hearing Oprah bitch about how big she is? I am for sure. Why is it necessary for her to announce to the world what her weight is? I mean, who the hell gives a hoot? I don’t think she looks that bad. Not for nothing, but I find it a little ironic how the Queen of Self Esteem is whining all over the media how embarrassed and ashamed she is of herself for being so big. I mean doesn’t she preach about loving yourself all the time?

I am so sick of all these segments and reality shows like the biggest loser in the media promoting diet and weight loss. I am sick of my nutritionist’s very famous boss on TV talking about weight loss, and no, I don’t give a fuck if she reads this. I rarely hear any talk about Anorexia or Bulimia except on shows like Access Hollywood, where they debate how much Kiera Knightly weighs, and is she or isn’t she?

I understand obesity is a big problem in this country that can lead to heart disease and even death and it’s an important health issue. But so is Anorexia. It has the highest mortality rate more than any mental illness in the country. That is a published fact. I think it should be given an equal amount of attention.

How did it happen?

2009-01-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

The sudden death of Jett Travolta is a horrible tragedy. As a person with seizure disorder who suffers from the exact same kind that he did, I know how terribly frightening they can be and how seriously one can injure themselves. In my last one, I fell down four flights of stairs, broke my nose, lacerated my jaw, and had to have four teeth extracted which are still being worked on.

There has been a lot of speculation and reports in the Media about his parents’ beliefs in Scientology, whether or not they stopped his medication, and whether or not he was Autistic. Only the family knows for sure. While I definitely have my opinions on what I have read about this case, I will refrain from expressing them out of respect for the family while they grieve the loss of their son. However, I am leaning towards the belief that his death could have been prevented.

Yet Another Diet Book

2009-01-05T15:05:00.000-08:00

Since I am a member of the Barnes and Nobles rewards club, I get these offers for new books in my emails all the time. This one in particular pissed me off.

The statement by the author that he can make you thin, is in my view pretty ballsy. I don't think anyone can make anyone do anything they don't want to do. I also think all these books geared toward being "thin" and books like "skinny bitch" only further promote our society's obsession with beauty and thinness and play a huge role in making people at risk and more susceptible to eating disorders.

I wouldn't wish an eating disorder upon my worst enemy. It's a horrible, twisted, and very difficult disease to recover from and to cope with. A nine year old girl that I have known for years and was babysitting for yesterday kept staring at me. I said to her, why are you looking at me so strangely? She was hesitant and then said... well... it's just that you are so skinny. I wish I could be as skinny as you. I was mortified. Of course, I can't explain to a 9 year old child that I have anorexia and chalked everything up to being limited to what I can eat with my teethe, which is partially very true, but I thought to myself... You are 9 years old. If I had to live my life over again and I knew I would have developed this illness, I'd run from it from the hills. Unfortunately, once you have it, it doesn't work that way, just like it doesn't work that way with people who struggle on the opposite end of the scale that I do. I feel for them and know how hard it is, as only people who have these disorders know and understand.

This child is very talented in art and drew me a picture as a Christmas Gift, and she drew me narrower than a pencil. I was horrified that a 9 year old girl can see what I can't see and wishing she could look like me. It's time for diet books to go away and Michele Christine to get her rear in gear and gain some weight.

What a way to ring in 2009!

2009-01-01T08:30:00.001-08:00

Just a short while ago, I was checking my email when I received a message from an ex boyfriend of three years ago to friend him. It really spooked me, especially since it did not end well. What occurred to me is how when I tried to end it, he still relentlessly pursued me, despite my repeated requests to back the fuck off and do not contact me.

And three years later, he's STILL looking for me, thinking about me. It's giving me the creeps and I just had the most massive panic attack. What part of the word NO do men not understand???

Why do I watch these things?

2008-12-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

I am not sure, exactly, except that I relate to the sagas of grueling legal hell.

For some reason, I turned on a documentary of a very famous rapist named Alex kelly not far from my home town who fled the country after two girls accused him of rape. He spent almost a decade on lavish ski vacations, all on his parent's dime. The prosecution knew this, but never prosecuted his parents. Why the fuck not? The "We would do anything for our boy defense" as an excuse would be bullshit in the gospel according to MC.

While he was eventually and rightfully convicted, Perhaps it is the 1 year anniversary of his release that has me raging, but I just don't understand how people continue to defend him.