People often say to me, knowing how devout I am in my faith, but you are a Catholic, can’t you forgive the people who harmed you?
Such questions I am peppered with by not only people of my own fellow faith, but by people of other Christian faiths. I refuse to answer. Such a question is between me and my God.
My personal stance is that forgiveness of the heinous crime of sexual assault is one’s own personal decision; no one should judge if they haven't been there. I often hear survivors say, I forgave my rapist. Again, their choice. Everyone's healing journey must run their own individual course.
With the recent news that Mr. Rapelanski’s ruling determined he must remain in a Swiss jail, I say, this is progress.
Should a sexual assault survivor choose to forgive their assailant, more power to them. I am not certain that will ever be me.
But all that aside, if you come forward and say, yeah, I raped a child, but cut me some slack because I am famous, have $ and been through shit… well, here is my answer to him.
Dear Mr. Rapelanski:
I am sorry your mother died in a concentration camp.
I am sorry your late wife and her unborn child were brutally murdered. It’s not fair.
I’ve been through trauma too. Trauma that was unfair, cruel, and heartless.
The difference that separates us is that people like myself do not inflict our brutal experience of violence on others, and you should not be able to either, using your celebrity status and personal tragedies as a pathetic excuse to pardon you for forcibly raping, drugging and sodomizing a helpless child. I do not feel an ounce of sympathy for your arrogance and your gross sabotage of our legal system.
Sincerely,
Michele Pardon
PS- no pun intended with my last name, but it is my legal one and in this case, could not be better suited to enforce my point.
About Me
- Michele Christine
- I am a 35 year old single woman living in Manhattan. I created this blog in hopes that by sharing my experience, I could help others who suffer from the pain of Sexual Abuse, Eating Disorders, and Epilepsy. I am a strong advocate for victims rights, and I have no qualms about expressing my feelings on our criminal judicial system. I am also a lover of all things books, ballet, and live theatre. I especially adore writing & Knitting. This is a safe place to vent and share whatever is on your mind.
4 comments:
michele,
i couldn't agree with you more! forgiveness is a gift, not an obligation!
there are those who say that forgiveness heals the forgiver, but, as you have pointed out, it's an *individual* decision to make!
MARIO
Thank you Mario!
I have never judged people who forgive their rapists, but I don't judge those who don't, either.
However, as Liz has often pointed out, it is more so the ones who forgave their perps who are so quick to judge others- like the evangelical Christians- AKA Jesus Freaks, The God Squad, and hypocrites where a major principle of Christian faith is- Yes, forgiveness, but also, NOT TO JUDGE.
I'm a practicing Catholic and very grounded in my faith, but that doesn't mean I agree with every single thing the church says. I am for gay marriage, pro-death penalty, and pro birth control. It's 2010 practically- I'm 35 years old. They need to get over the fact that I have sex.
And oddly enough, it's the older priests who are far more lienant on these rules than the younger ones because they've been around a lot longer and seen the world change over the span of many years.
But back to my point on forgiveness, I have not arrived at a place where I have chosen to forgive or not, and that's ok. I am tired of being berated for it.
I have a very good job, wonderful friends, and a great supportive boyfriend. But, I am still in the process of healing, and those who have been through rape or not should respect that.
Honestly, I am more bitter about the way rape is mishandled in our country's system than I am at my rapists themselves. That's the best way I can put it.
michele,
*who's* berating you for not forgiving?
MARIO
I can't really define it, except that it's a general vibe I get with various comments be it people I know within my own community, or people I don't know who comment on what I have to say via the internet.
All comments have their points and their place and their viewpoints, well intentioned or not. But it is more often that I get the "Because I am Catholic" be it from Non Catholics or Catholics who are my friends, I should just move on.
I try, I really do. But thanks to good old Post Traumatic Disorder, I am not like other people. The slightest physical alarm, be it the alarm clock going off, or my boyfriend embracing me when he finds me exiting the Staten Island ferry to meet me, can send me into flashback hell.
My main point is that no one can or should judge a survivor's decesion on how they choose to handle it.
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