Why do I watch these things?

I am not sure, exactly, except that I relate to the sagas of grueling legal hell.

For some reason, I turned on a documentary of a very famous rapist named Alex kelly not far from my home town who fled the country after two girls accused him of rape. He spent almost a decade on lavish ski vacations, all on his parent's dime. The prosecution knew this, but never prosecuted his parents. Why the fuck not? The "We would do anything for our boy defense" as an excuse would be bullshit in the gospel according to MC.

While he was eventually and rightfully convicted, Perhaps it is the 1 year anniversary of his release that has me raging, but I just don't understand how people continue to defend him.

Some Priests need to keep their God Damn Mouths shut

And no, I don't give a shit how I have just taken my Lord's name in vain on my website and am swearing like a sailor.

On Christmas Eve, I attended evening Mass at my local Parish with my family. I always look forward to this Mass because Jose Feliciano- for those of you who don't know, was the original composer and singer for "Light My Fire". He happens to live in my home town, is a member of my parish, and performs live for us every year. It is a really rare treat, and one I look forward to every Christmas.

The Pastor of the Parish who said the mass has had some major beef with my family, in that he refused to perform a dual wedding ceremony where both the Catholic rite and the Zoroastrian rite- religion of my Indian sister law, could be performed, despite a dispensation from the Arch Diocese of NY saying it was just dandy with them.

Anyways, in his sermon, he went on to express his opinion about (as I have heard him say in the past when I am home for Holidays) his skepticism on the benefits of psychotherapy and use of psychiatric drugs to treat people with serious mental conditions. His suggestion was that if we all just believe in Christ, if we all just pray to Christ, then while everything may not be A-OK 100%, we would be turning towards our savior and if only we did that, how many shrinks would be out of business?

UMMM.... HELLO? I think this Priest is working in the wrong denomination and should consider employment with Tom Cruise in the Church of Scientology. Many, many, mental illnesses such as eating disorders, substance abuse, depression, etc, have been medically proven to be biologically based. I am not talking about people who make excuses for their behavior and use it as an excuse as to why they committed crimes- I am talking about the ones who have not committed crimes and genuinely sought and wanted help, harmed no other individual, and succeeded in professional treatment. What right does a priest who has no degree in science or psychology have to comment on trained professionals or antidepressants that have helped to save the lives of millions in pain and despair?

I'm a chick who goes to church every week... I believe in Christ... but Christ doesn't make my panic attacks and my nightmares and my food phobia go away. And if we all just believed in Christ, turned to Christ, and that was the solution to the world's problems, then maybe he should go preach in prison to all the murderer's and rapists there. Let's see if his words make a difference in stopping them from offending again when they are released too early. I was so seething with anger at his stupid comments, I could barely enjoy Jose. What an ass.

Don't we have bigger fish to fry???

While I am a die hard republican, I think all the hoopla about Obama without his shirt on is asinine. What- President Elects and people who serve in office can't take vacations? The man is in Hawaii for Christ's sake. Dude- leave him alone and let him surf. The economy is fucked beyond imagine and this is what people want to talk about? Earth to America, people!!! Lord Jesus, Mary Joseph and crackers!

And republican or not, he is pretty hot in the Gospel According to MC.

Not so Heelarious in the Gospel according to MC

My friends who know me very well know that I am tied with Carrie Bradshaw when it comes to my shoes. In fact, my shoe shelf takes up more than half my tiny one bedroom on the Upper East Side, which incidentally, is only two blocks from where Carrie's was portrayed in the story line on Sex and the City.

When I used to work for Conde Nast, my shoe obsession was even worse. I'd wear 5 inch OTS's ( my friend Diana's code for Open Toed Shoes) in the rain, snow, and below zero. In fact, this one time, I wore a pair of high heeled sandals to church when I was scheduled to Altar Serve. My priest said Melissa, this is Holy Trinity. Not Vogue. I said Monsignor, sandals were good enough for Christ, they out to be good enough for me. He's never confused me with Melissa again in ten years.

Unfortunately, I have to be a little more careful with the crazy heels on my shoes with my seizure disorder and can't indulge in anything too impractical. But, when I did, I was OF AGE- as in AN ADULT, A GROWN UP. It's one thing to be six or seven playing Cinderella in dress up heels in the privacy of a home on a play date. In my book, towing infants around who can't yet even walk in these things is really wrong, and frankly, a little creepy. See link. http://www.heelarious.com/

Playboy for little girls???

A friend of mine was telling me about this stationary website for children she came across. This is absolutely outrageous and has flipped on my ranting and raving bitch switch like you wouldn't fucking believe. Michele Christine will be typing some serious letters tonight. Paddington Bear, OK... Angelina the ballerina, no objection.

http://www.lovethisshop.com/items/Playboy/list.htm

BUT PLAYBOY LOGO ON PURSES AND STATIONERY BEING MARKETED TO SELL TO LITTLE GIRLS?
Ummm.... HELLO? I am a fan of anything pink- Duh- my blog is pink. 3/4 of my closet is pink and I wear it even in 10 degrees on Christmas freaking eve. My medical alert bracelet is pink.

If women want to strip for playboy then well, that's their prerogative. It's not for me, but I don't think even when Hugh Hefner dies our sex obsessed society will change. But perhaps, not making products with the most famous sexual logo in the world targeted to children may prevent them from ending up like Governor Spitzer's hooker at 22.

Why not just invite some 5 year olds to the Bunny mansion? Sexualize children before they are old enough to know what it means or what it is. And of course Father and daughter see nothing wtong with this. Way to go Hef! Lord almighty!!!!

How can they defend these people?

Watching the interview with Casey Anthony's attorney w/ Matt Lauer utterly disgusted me and made me want to hurl my oatmeal at the TV. He knows she killed her daughter, I know she killed her daughter, the WORLD knows she killed her daughter, and her parents probably know too but are in a serious state of denial. Presumption of innocence until proven guilty may be our country's judicial policy, but in the Gospel according to Michele Christine, it is utter bullshit.

Breaking News- Adam Walsh murder solved

Holy Crap! http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081216/ap_on_re_us/adam_walsh

Watching the John Walsh interview today with him and his wife, my heart went out to them. I hope they finally feel some relief at having some closure, though I don't think the grief of losing a child ever really leaves you. I love how the wife said that for many years people told her she should just "get over it" and move on. I think traumatic heinous things such as this one you never truly get over. Some people often say to me I should get over what happened to me. The people who say this to me are idiots and have never been through what I have. If I could just "get over it" I wouldn't have had my freak out with the ambulance assholes.

The people who say this stupid shit to me probably sleep at night. I unfortunately do not.

Why can people employed to serve and protect be such assholes?

Here's a doesy. On my way to church Sunday, I accidentally slipped on a piece of garbage. Thankfully, I didn't seize, but, a paramedic who happened to be outside her ambulance having a cigarette saw me and helped me up. Are you ok Miss? Yes, thank you. She sees my medical alert bracelet on my wrist and insists I go to the hospital. I was like what? WHY? Because you have a medical condition and I'd feel more comfortable if you were checked out, come with me. SAY WHAT? I did not have a seizure, I just slipped. I'm fine. It's protocol miss. I am obligated. IT IS NOT PROTOCOL WHEN I AM NOT HURT. Miss, you need to go to the hospital.

I refused. I am not going to the fucking hospital. If you don't, I will call the police. EXCUSE ME??? As I tried to bolt she grabbed me. The more I resisted as I entered into my PTSD flashback marathon of hell, the more physically aggressive she got and the more freaked out and hostile I got because I was having flashbacks. I can get very disoriented during these moments when I don't know my ass from a hole in the wall because I am reliving the sexual torture I was forced to endure. She then accused me of all kinds of shit like being on drugs, which I AM NOT, and called the police and they dragged me to the hospital kicking and screaming. When I got there and text messaged my friend to let her know I was being detained for no good reason and couldn't Altar Serve with her at mass, the paramedic was standing over me on the gurney trying to see what I was typing and if it was about her. What are you writing Ms. Pardon? NONE OF HER FUCKING BUSINESS. They called my parents and accused me of being violent, hostile and resisting police officers. They grabbed me and forced me to do something I didn't want to do when I committed no crime, not a danger to myself, to others, and not injured. Any rape survivor would freak. I mean, DUH?

Once the neurologist declared me perfectly fit to leave because I had no good fucking reason to be there in the first place, I was rip roaring pissed. What right do paramedics and police have to psychologically evaluate me? They aren't shrinks and don't know jack shit about my medical history and why I reacted the way I did. What right do they have to see what I write to my friends. NONE!!! I am so mad I am making a formal complaint against her and I totally went off on the captain of the 19th precinct as to how I was treated. WHAT ASSHOLES. If I have to wear a medical alert bracelet, it may as well be pink Swavorski Crystal, But why wear it if I am going to be discriminated for it every time I trip in this city? This is Manhattan. People trip. How do you all feel about ambulance abuse?

No Wonder Eating Disorders are such a problem in this country!

The recent Campari Ads featuring an airbrushed Jessica Alba are really pissing me off for obvious reasons. I won't say much about it because everyone is talking about it and the images speak for themselves, but seriously... no wonder so many girls have eating disorders when they are bombarded with images that this is the ideal of what they should look like. When I worked at Conde Nast, I saw our Art department airbrush celebrity's photos who were already too skinny to begin with all the time. It made me so mad, I wanted to go in there and torch them.

While I certainly think she could have chosen a more normal name for her daughter than Honor Marie, she is a new mother. I don't know any woman who has ever said their body is 100% the same after childbirth. These pictures send the message that a natural and beautiful part of being a woman is not ok.

Tragic Endings

While forensics are waiting to come back, it appears that Caylee Anthony's remains have most likely been recovered. Bones resembling that of small child most likely a female were found duct taped in a plastic bag less than 1/2 a mile from her home.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,465424,00.html

This absolutely makes my stomach turn. I know that mother did it. Messaging my friend Liz back and forth after the news story broke, she brought up an interesting point. Were the Grandparents involved? While I will resist from pointing fingers until the evidence is revealed, I am not rejecting the possibility. Casey Anthony lived at home with two retired parents- her father, interestingly, a former cop. Hmmm.... She did not work. She made up a fictitious place of employment. Did her parents not know this?

Unless you are a Manhattan socialite and neither a working or stay at home Mom because you are out shopping at Bergdorf's, Bendel's, and Bloomingdales all day, why the fuck do you need a Nanny? (Another story she invented about having one and reports that the last time she saw her daughter was when she dropped her off there.) And with a three year old child, how is it conceivable her parents never met the "Nanny/babysitter" or whatever the fuck she called them? Even me and my parents know and have met my nephew's Nanny, for Christ's sake. Her father reported he smelled the odor of a dead body in her car. Not something I imagine one would forget working on the police force. Casey and her mother claim it was a rotting left over pizza box. ??? Concealing a dead body that way takes expertise skill. And what further irks the hell out of me is that this child has been missing for 5 months.

What took the police so damn freaking long? What took the police 9 months to find Elizabeth Smart while somewhat disguised, for people not to recognize a girl parading around with 2 Jesus freaks in some kind of gospel garb with her picture plastered all over the world?

Whether or not this body is indeed Caylee, it is still heart breaking that many mothers' murder their innocent children. It is a crime as heinous as I equate with rape. Why have them then? I am not going to debate my feelings on abortion; most of my friends know I don't like it unless under very extreme circumstances, but it is still legal in this country and she was of age to have one if she chose.

What I further don't understand, as Liz also pointed out, why not fess up and cut a deal? She'd serve less time than leaving this in the hands of a jury, as the evidence against her is pretty damning.

The Shawn Hornbecks, Elizabeth Smarts, and Elisabeth Fritzls are the lucky ones who have been able to resume to somewhat of a normal life after sexual assault and abduction. For many children gone missing, this is not usually the case. These families have been truly blessed by the Miracle of God to have their loved ones back.

It just breaks my heart that this is what is looking more and more obvious, not going to be the case for little Caylee.

Idiopathic Epilepsy

That is what my neurologist calls the type of Epilepsy I have. When he first told me that, I was like SAY WHAT? What in the hell does that mean?

Spending Christmas Day in 1995 in Lennox Hill after a collapsing from a Grand Mal, I remember him saying, it means you have seizures of unknown medical origin.

Ok... so I just have these frightening episodes and you don't know why?

Unfortunately Ms. Pardon, yes.

After saturating my hair in baby oil and washing out the glue from my 48 hour eeg from yet another seizure, I could not stop asking myself in the shower... WHY??? Well, if you were to ask my family, they blame it on my anorexia and my horrible habit of drinking too much diet soda. I know plenty of people afflicted with eating disorders and others who do not who have nasty caffeine habits and they do not have seizures, so I don't think it is that.

So then, what is it? I probably will never know even after eighty gazillion tests that have bankrupted me, but it sure as hell is frustrating.

What An ASS!

Watching the news on this clown disgusted me. People who abuse their position of authority make me ill. But what surprises me is that he was dumb enough to think he wouldn't get caught.

More disappointing is that I thought he was an ok guy- especially after writing him letters to make the State of IL, as my insurance is BCBS of IL, recognize Anorexia as a life threatening illness to get more coverage for my therapy. He finally passed House Bill 1432, making Anorexia and Bulimia life threatening thus forcing insurance companies to cover sixty out patient visits per year and 45 days of inpatient therapy.

While I am grateful to this law, his recent stunt is unacceptable and I hope he goes down, HB1432 or not.

Mariska RULES!

I will never forget the day I met Mariska Hargitay. It was one of those moments where you just knew she understood you, especially when autographing my bubble bath bottle and asked me, 1 L or 2? I had the unique opportunity to meet with the members of her staff who dedicate their time to assisting victims of sexual assualt.

After watchng SVU tonight, while dsturbing, a line her character said struck a chord with me. She was counseling a rape victim and shared her own experience with sexual assault while working under-cover in a prison. When the victim asked what helped her get through it, what made it go away, her response was admitting it happened.

Such realizations are albiet, hard, but vital to healing. I have heard Mariska say more than once that in her role as Detective Olivia Benson, she has learned more about how sexual assault affects one than she ever wanted to. If you ask me, I think that is a good thing. She is an amazing role model to women everywhere- and also, not like the skinny bitches I could hurl my Bible at.

A life that doesn't suck!

I tend to be one of the worst wise asses on the planet- some people say I have a bad attitude. Maybe I do. But you go through a sexual assault case, you go through having epilepsy and seizures that have resulted in 4 missing teethe and be broke trying to fix them for what the insurance doesn't pay on an executive assistant's salary living in Manhattan on the UES. You go through the agony of nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks because some very evil people robbed you of your dignity, your sense of safety, and trust that resulted in a deadly eating disorder. Then, you can judge me. I have told my priest many times, Monsignor, if I ever go to hell, I have no fear. I've already been there. The devil knows my name.

However, working from home today as I complete this wretched EEG, I was watching the Today Show and they were doing an interview with a woman who wrote a book about getting a life that doesn't suck by improving your outlook and attitude when you just feel that all hope is lost. I am going to buy it. At least I'm trying, frustrated and fed up with life as I am!

WHAT THE HELL?

Sitting at home as I am wired up to a 48 hour EEG and flipping back between Martha Stewart and the news, the case of the NYC woman who went missing from a club with a registered convicted sex offender enrages me.

Most enraging is how someone with the alleged suspect's background was let out of prison in the first place. It is also enraging to me that I have to use that stupid word as a legal formality. I know he killed her, God knows he killed her. Six years of ONLY probabtion for his sexual assaults on other women before this girl went missing? Lord Jesus, PLEASE!

Based on my own heinous experience in our ludicrous excuse for a justice system, I learned first hand, rapists do not stop. In fact, one of the only reasons why my case was prosecuted after the first investigation was dropped was because my rapist raped someone else. When I got that phone call, I was like really???????????????????????????? No! It can't be. HOW UTTERLY SHOCKING! I mean, DUH?

Further more infuriating, as my friend Liz pointed out, is how the stupid idiot ignorant assholes in the NY Post Blog commentary blame her. While I definitely think one needs to exercise safety in alcohol infused environments, who has not made a mistake at 25 with drinking too much and not exercising good judgement? I did some crazy shit at 25, my friends as my witness, as have they. Does it mean that an innocent person deserves to be violated so brutally or even what will probably be in this case, murdered? Did Jennifer Moore- the case of the NJ teen murdered 2 years ago in a similar scenario of an evening out own the town, deserve to have her body stuffed into a suitcase and dropped into a dumpster in a seedy hotel? NO!!!

These judgemental idiots need to shut the fuck up. Excuse my French but it makes me SO MAD!!!

http://www.nypost.com/seven/12062008/news/regionalnews/club_gal_missing_142935.htm

Yet another Crime Mystery... Someone in this trio knows the full truth. SPEAK

This one is quite the puzzle. Dateline NBC to air Amanda Knox special tonight.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,373264,00.html

While I have followed bits and pieces and segments on this story, I am not quite sure what to make of it, as laws over-seas have a different system and information relayed to the United States Media is not always 100% accurate.

But, from what I can conclude based on everything I have seen and read, like the Casey Anthony Case, something must have went down here in the senseless murder of this promising young woman that Ms. Knox and her lover & now convicted 3rd accomplice are not offering up. I just don’t see any other plausible explanation other than the “mysterious intruder” defense as to how this murder took place. After watching the dateline piece this evening that covered it, I am more convinced than ever that all the accused were somehow, someway, involved. You don’t go talking about having wild sex with your boyfriend when your roommate has just had her throat slit.

Ms. Knox strikes me as extremely haughty, vain and arrogant. Her photographs give off the air of, “I am hot and I know it.” Ok- she’s hot. I will give her that. But hot does not justify allegedly killing and covering up the murder of your roommate.

I could be wrong- maybe she is totally innocent and I am mistaken. I’ve been known to be wrong. But somehow, this prison diary crap proclaiming her innocence all seems just a tad convenient and a pathetic tactic to sway the jury in her favor. Maybe the prosecutor is out there in their theory on the sex game scenario- I don’t know. But having gone through my own court case, I am not as dumb as fuck to know all three suspects know a shit load more than they are coming forward with what went down that night- fluent in Italian or not. I don’t really get how a girl who got the opportunity to participate in an elite exchange program like this courtesy of her good grades could be so un-intelligent not to know better than to ask for an English interpreter when being questioned by foreign authorities because she’s a suspect. DUH?

Judgement Day

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was doing anything illegal." Give me a fucking break.Did he know he was doing anything illegal when he murdered his ex-wife and her companion in cold blood? HELLO??? I truly believe both the verdict and the sentence are pay back for his acquittal. I don't care what the judge said. What can I say? Karma's a bitch.

In Friendship...

An acquaintence of mine urged me to join face book. For years, I dug in my heels and said NO- It is so lame, and I don't want to be harassed and contacted.

After much reluctance, I decided to join it. It turns out, it was one of the best moves I ever made, as I have found and come into touch with people who have touched my life in so many ways, but lost communication with over the years.

One friend in particular who knows who she is especially lifted my spirits after a long conversation with her the other night. In a moment of nostalgia, I remembered one very hot summer afternoon when I was feeling lower than low. I don't know if I recall a time when I felt that low and someone was there for me when I needed them as much as she was.

It was July of 1990. We were on a retreat in Rhode Island and I had a total melt down after an intense and horrifying flashabck. The panic and the fear racing through my viens was something even the writer in me can't find the words to describe. She rocked me in her arms while I wept, trembled, and cried. I do not know how I would have survived the rest of that weekend without her. She made me feel safer than anyone who has ever witnessed me through these tramautic disorienting moments which to this day, still haunt me and chill me to my very core.

I tend to be very stubborn at everyone who gives me advice. But joining facebook may have just been the most rewarding thing I ever did.

Thank you, my friend! I love you forever!