Does Anyone Know the Real Me?

You need to do something about this anger…

Says my nutritionist, says my ex shrink. Did what happened to me happen to them? They can hear a door slam and not jump. They can chop a tomato while hearing the phone ring and not end up in the emergency room almost severing their finger. They can look at a cupcake or a slice of pizza and not suffer from the waves of panic that when I see them, suffocate me. Do what I say, and you can have some candy. You bought me Pizza and beer, that means you like me, so I can force you to have sex with me.

After winning my case with the hospital over the horrific way I was treated a few months ago, I wanted to feel better. Instead, I feel worse. My idiot ex shrink vilified me over this incident. What if you got so out of control with your PTSD, that you hit one of the paramedics and were charged with a crime?

For the love of Christ as we approach Ash Wednesday....PLEASE!!!!! After going through Manhattan criminal court, not once, but TWICE, I for sure know that DA’s have bigger fish to fry. My guess is that this was not a lesson he was taught in Social Work School.

Everyone says I am angry, and I don't deny that I am. Who wouldn’t be if they were me? But that's only one side to me. None of the professionals who psychoanalyze my level of anger see me when I am out dancing with my friends, when I am volunteering at church helping people less fortunate than myself, when I am relaxed and knitting or just doing everyday things young single people my age do. Everyone makes me out to be a basket case because I am very outspoken about what happened to me and I speak my mind when it comes to my feelings about our criminal judicial system. I fight for what I believe in. What’s wrong with that? It's not all of who I am or the only thing I am about.

I can't decide- It's a tough one

I'ts a two way tie between best dressed with Anne and Penelope and I had three for worst. But I definitely think Whoppi gets 1st place of the worst 3

A moment of Privacy and Silence for Rihanna

At first, I thought about posting the heinous battered photo of this talented beauty that the press got a hold of who was savagely beaten by whom I hope is now her ex-boyfriend. Then, I thought, If I do that, I would be no better than the Post or TMZ who had the nerve to publish these photos. See below:

http://www.tmz.com/

Then, I thought, why not post a glamour shot of her. Then, I remembered my own days after I was raped. While not horribly beaten, I was still very bruised, as I am pretty tiny, was very disheveled, shaken and still wondering if I was dreaming. God... this must be a nightmare from my childhood because this is not happening to me again. The police, the photos, the exams- all just too horrible to bear, and I am just a nobody. Not famous. Just a nice girl working as an assistant at a fashion magazine at the time. I was still a victim, and so is Rihanna. Rape and domestic violence do not discriminate no matter who you are.

All I could think to myself when I saw these horrible pictures of her was how far away from the bathroom am I because I think I am going to be sick. Shame on the Post and TMZ for publishing these pictures. I would have died if this had been me. How much more can you bring one down when they are already the lowest of the low? She's a human being- not a dog.

It's not that I don't think that the pictures of Rihanna do raise the awareness of the problem of violence against women in this country- they do. But, most papers and media have a policy about not releasing the names of victims. They didn't release the Alex Kelly Victims' names until after the trial. They did not release the name of the Central Park Jogger until she came forward. They did not release the name of the horrible story of the Columbia Student who was brutally beaten, raped and tortured most recently and opted to name her "Lady Courage." Why is it that because Rihanna is famous they think it gives them the right to go against the standard?

I do believe there are women who make false accusations of abuse like the troubled woman at the center of the duke case. But I also believe these cases are rare.

Leave Rihanna alone... she is entitled to her dignity and her privacy.

It pays to complain

Awhile back, I blogged about my horrific experience with paramedics and police where I was hauled, grabbed, restrained and handcuffed to the hospital via ambulance... all because bystander paramedics in an ambulance saw me slip on some ice. I was fine, but they saw my medical alert bracelet and insisted I go because they thought I had a seizure. I did not, but they wouldn't listen to me and when I refused to go, created a circus outside my building calling police, then accused me of being on drugs, etc. Not an incident I care to write about in detail again. But after complaining to the appropriate organizations and authorities that this incident was not only totally unnecessary but completely out of line and their investigation proved I was telling the truth, I won my demand that all hospital and ambulance bills be waived. Justice for MC has truly made my weekend. While this incident is Minor in compassion to things like rape and murder, the lesson is not. Stand up for yourself... fight for what is right, and never give up.

Monkey Business

Not sure what I make of this one…

As a Fairfield County Native and also a pet lover, my heart goes out to both parties. Both the owner of the chimpanzee Travis, and her neighbor who was severely disfigured by him. You can see the story here:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article5750278.ece

I have seen and adore the movie Project X w/ Helen Hunt, all about the study of chimpanzees. However, they were trained professionals equipped to deal with exotic animals. I am not sure 70 year olds who take them in as pets are best suited or knowledgeable care givers and question whether or not raising a monkey in your home should be legal. While they are more self sufficient than other pets and have amazing capabilities, they are still animals and can not be held to the same standard as humans. Not that I think some humans always behave as humans should- (i.e- rapists, murders, wife-beaters, etc.,) but you get my point.

I have two cats- one who once injured me very badly because she was scared at the vet’s on a routine nail trim where there had been a dog rescue over night. The barking freaked her out and she scratched me. I ended up with Cat Scratch fever in Cornell for five days. It was awful… but I didn’t feel that a cat in a one time incident where she was traumatized and justifiably so, was good enough reason to abandon. Unlike Travis, my cats do not have the capability to grab my keys, walk out of my apartment and stop Manhattan traffic. When an animal can do this- I think it’s time to legally re-evaluate whether or not a domestic residence is appropriate.

I am sure that it must have been horrible for the owner to have to stab her own pet in attempt to keep them from harming her friend and witness her friend sustaining what are now permanent injuries, as well as seeing her pet shot to death by police, but at the end of the day… the real victim in this tragedy is alive and will have to live with this damage for the rest of her life. 2 missing hands- facial damage… think about it. I am thinking bringing an exotic animal into a home to raise is about as bad judgment as having 14 kids when you have no job or husband and living off disability checks and food stamps.

Barbie is a Bad Influence

Because I am still well connected in the Fashion World, along with many clients and constituents my firm supports, I am often extended the opportunity to attend events at Fashion Week in NYC.

Nothing more appalled me than the hoopla at the Barbie Show yesterday. That’s right folks- the economy is so bad, that they have to get Mattel toys to back a Barbie themed fashion show which I am sure cost millions. I did not request an invite to the Barbie show because I feel it represents all things wrong- Skinny plastic dolls while humans emulate their images.

I understand the History and popularity of Barbie- I truly do. I in fact collect dolls voraciously, but they are primarily porcelain and the plastic ones, healthy looking,

The insanity of everyone trying to gain access to this show like it was the end of eternity if they didn’t while I patiently sat at the Tresseme do your hair for free freebie observing the circus was making my blood boil. People were waiving their invites…but I have a seat assignment! But I RSVPD!

As I am waiting to get my hair done, I keep hearing all the comments from people behind me who could not get into the show watching it on TV… Oh that’s hot, that’s cool, that’s 60’s Barbie, that’s 80’s Barbie. I grew so mad, that I whipped around infuriated, and I said, point blank to strangers…yeah the clothes are cool… but if you had a little girl, would you bring her to this? They looked at me first shocked, then, were receptive- she has a point. Even Barbie has gotten fatter. Barbie Fatter? What about Barbie looking HEALTHIER? I don’t think I have ever seen a fat Barbie- but I have seen pregnant Barbie from all the children I have baby sat for over the years where you push in her tummy and a plastic “Baby Barbie” pops out. Don’t mean to be blunt, but if we are going to teach kids about reproduction via toys- why not have the baby pop out of the Vagina and explain that sometimes when things go wrong, sometimes, the baby comes out of mommy’s tummy?

The thing that further pissed me off was that all of the “Barbie Models” came out in the final runway walk with their child/children hand in hand… fully made up and wearing poodle skirts

All the while…there is a CFDA booth promoting health and wellness in the tent while models who are at best 100lbs at 5’9 are walking down the runways. I just don’t understand why an industry claiming that they are taking measures-no pun intended- on the skinny squad to stop this- then goes and supports the exact opposite. I guess $ is more important than human life.

This makes no sense to me....

This story is just one that is horrible writing about because it is just so beyond incomprehensible, unconscionable, and just down right pure evil at it's worst.

Austrian Incest victim Elisabeth Fritzl was held hostage in a basement dungeon for nearly 24-years. She was abducted by her father and forced to be his sex slave where she was raped repeatedly by him and fathered 7 of his children- one who died shortly after birth that he burnt in a furnace so no one would discover his crimes.

Anyways, the girl's dip shit clueless mother claimed she had no idea that her husband had abducted their daughter and bought his bullshit story that she ran off in a cult, got pregnant, and left 3 of the kids on the doorstep with a note asking her Mother to raise them saying she wasn't capable of raising them herself. Apparently, the father felt those three were the loudest of the six and feared his heinous actions would be discovered so he concocted this story and the mother bought it. So, three kids were captive downstairs, with Mommy and grandpa, while the other three were raised upstairs with the grandmother.

Let's not mention- this man prior to abducting his daughter had a rape conviction, did time in jail for it, and his wife, Rosemarie Fritzl continued to stay with him. I believe their own family has 7 children. What kind of a mother stays with a man like that and bears his kids with no freaking clue he is at risk for doing the same thing to his own. DUH? History repeated itself. It makes me SO MAD.

What makes me even madder is the fact that now, the mother won money because the Austrian papers used her name and slandered her- something like that... Yet, the court ruled against awarding any compensation to Elisabeth- THE VICTIM... because her case was criminal and a matter of public record. I know she has gotten plenty of money from the government and probably still will after her ordeal to continue to shelter and feed her children, but STILL.... Does this make sense to you? It's outrageous. No amount of money will ever compensate for what she endured, but the fact that they ruled against her in this case and awarded her nothing is infuriating to me. Her name was blasted all over the place too...as are many victims. Personally, I don't view Rosemarie Frizl as a victim. I view her as an enabler in some serious ASS DENIAl. Go ahead, call my judgemental... the gospel according to me will never budge my opinion on this one.

News story posted: http://austriantimes.at/index.php?id=11208

Heidi Klum Too Fat to be a Super Model???

I really can't even on opening day of Fashion Week even begin to know what to say as to where to start here, except that I am utterly speechless. I guess all models should starve themselves and die of Anorexia, as did a Brazilian Model a few years back because of the ridiculous standards the runway world puts on on models to be skinny.

After this Model died, the CFDA came out and said they were going to come up with rules and regulations on BMI's and weight requirements for these skinny bitches to qualify for the cat walk. France passed these regulations. The USA has not. Ummmm... why am I not surprised? See outrageous story below.

http://www.theimproper.com/Template_Article.aspx?IssueId=11&ArticleId=3163

Mother of the Year!!!

If there is one topic I try to refrain from discussing my feelings about, it is abortion. The subject is just too heated and I avoid it like the plague. The truth of the matter is that I have very mixed feelings about when abortion is and is not appropriate regardless of the fact that it is legal.

But the situation of Nadya Suleman….well umm… hmm…. I kind of don’t really know what to say except that after seeing clips of her interview with Ann Curry, my first impression was that she’s nuttier than a fruitcake and has more distorted thinking than one of those trick mirrors you see at the county carnival

I don’t think it’s very responsible to give birth to fourteen children when you have no spouse and no job. DUH? I think Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are a little fruit loopy too with eighteen children all starting with the letter J but at least they are married and the Father works.

Apparently, this woman wanted a big family to fill a void from when she was a child, and having fourteen little buggers out of wedlock with no hubby and no job was her idea of a solution. My Solution in the Gospel according to MC…. sweetie, if you had a fucked up childhood, get your tush on the couch and out of labor-PRONTO! I mean, I had a fucked up childhood with my learning disability, my eating disorder, and sexual abuse, but I am not dumb as fuck to think that having fourteen kids when I am broke as hell is going to fix my childhood traumas.

I don’t know who is crazier- Ms. Suleman or the quack Dr. who knowing her situation implanted the embryo’s when she already had six kids she could barely take care of as it was.

I also love how she has this amazing church group and that her friends will help and God will somehow provide. I’d like my friends at church and God to pay my bills too, but they don’t. I asked one of my close friends from this amazing church group on face book this morning… if I had fourteen kids would you and all my other best buds on the God Squad be beating down my door to sign up for diaper duty? She just started laughing at me hysterically.

The Jessica's

With everything going on in the state of the world, seeing this story making the Yahoo News really made me very sad.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=35486

Awhile back, I wrote about Jessica Alba and her air brushed Campari ads that she posed for after giving birth to her daughter. If you compare the before and after, she looks much healthier in the first one. The 2nd one is altered and shows where they have shaved down her figure to make her look thinner. Having worked for a fashion magazine for many years, I know this is common practice in the art and graphics department, but I think it’s wrong and sends a dangerous message to women everywhere.

Jessica Alba has gone on the record and admitted that she has suffered from Anorexia in the past, and I feel for her because I know how hard it is. I can only imagine how difficult it is to lose baby weight when you have had a history of an eating disorder and very much in the public eye. But, the fact that she admits that she wore a girdle to lose the weight, had tear jerking work outs at the gym, and is comparing herself to one of her other friends about how thin she looked after having a baby really disappoints and saddens me.

I guess for one thing, it tells me she is still very wrapped up in her eating disorder and emphasis on appearance and full disclosure- reminds me of myself. For another thing, she is a role model to young women and going out and publicly saying she wore a girdle and exercised herself to tears to get skinny again- well… I think that while I have no doubt she did these things, is bad judgment on her part and she should discuss these things with a therapist instead of reporters. Young impressionable girls and women like me with eating disorders don’t need to know or see this information blasted over the internet.

I also think it’s disgusting for the media to go criticizing Jessica Simpson for gaining weight. She obviously doesn’t seem to care, and seems quite happy. I watch all these shows on Access Hollywood where they go blasting the skinny celeb squad about how unhealthy Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Victoria Beckham look. I agree with them 100%. But then they turn around and be the ultimate hypocrites and attack Jessica Simpson by calling her fat. Go figure. Both Jessica’s are talented and beautiful in my opinion. I hope that they can find peace with themselves, live their lives, and distance themselves as best they can from the paparazzi circus.

So, if you are rich, you can't be victimized?

After the news broke that Madoff cheated a bunch of high profile Celebs- I wasn’t surprised.

There are things about this situation I get legally, but very morally and ethically disagree with on a variety of counts.

I get- he’s monitored closely by law enforcement and not a likely flight risk. I get that he didn’t murder or rape anyone and does not pose a threat of violence to the Manhattan Community. But does that make what he did right and justify being allowed to stay in his penthouse? The Gospel according to me says- NO FUCKING WAY

I pass by his building everyday to and from my office and see the media hoopla outside of his building. I frankly don’t understand why the man always has a smug, sly, smile on his face and has no comment to anyone other than his lawyer and law enforcement. The media is wasting their time and will not get an answer out of him. What can he say? Greed overcame me? Ya don’t say! DUH????

Lastly, I work very hard for an investment banking firm as an Executive Assistant. I assist a team of extraordinarily bright and educated staff who are busting their ass to fix this economic mess.

So many people I know in the arts community say well, he was wrong, and it sucks, but they are rich, and I am a starving artist who lives in Brooklyn or Queens. They fail to grasp the principle of regardless of how much money you make, taking advantage of hard working people period is down right disgusting.

These comments make me mad. So people who work hard to earn what they do deserve to be taken advantage of? THEY DO NOT- and that is coming from a very poor person who lives in a very antiquated building on the UES. Many wealthy people give their time and $ to fabulous charitable causes.

The jealousy mind set over how- well, at least they still have a lot of cash and I don't, doesn't sit well with MC. If I were a member of the Upper Crust and he fucked me over, I'd be rip roaring pissed too.

Kidnapped? So not....

Ok… I hate to be judgmental, but I am going to be anyway. The story of Erica Desai- Saint John’s University Freshman who was expelled for allegedly using her roommate’s credit card really bothers me. She ran away because she was too ashamed to fess up to her family and then concocted a story to the police in a 911 call claiming she’d been kidnapped. It reminds me of the story of the chick a few years ago who did a similar thing when she got cold feet before she was supposed to tie the knot.

Story is here: http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=6638253

I understand that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and that young people often do dumb stupid things. But I think it is a very selfish thing to put your family though horrible worry by making them fear for your safety by running away because you fucked up. It’s not like she was a teenager living at home and being abused.

I also think that with child abduction being such a national epidemic in this country, you should not be allowed to make up false stories of being a victim of a felony crime and not have to face any consequences for it. The police said she won’t be charged. I’m glad she’s safe, but she should at least get something… probation? Community Service? What do you all think?